This week is a little strange for me, I never put me first and it’s been hard to resist answering emails and messages. I have answered a couple of urgent questions and I am monitoring them but will deal with them properly after I get home.
This week was and is important to me and my recovery and I am enjoying the experience – I would suggest that this is the closest to flight feel on a target range and I am loving it. I am posting an update every day and next Tuesday’s end of week blog will be a complete write up on Dunster and we are definitely coming back next year.
I have had some interesting conversations around seated and also both mental and physical health. Lots to consider and process and see how I can pull it all together as some absolutely fits in with work that I am doing already it has seen me planning and making notes around the things bouncing around in my head. Just because I have pressed paused doesn’t mean my mind has stopped.
Sitting still? Nope! Just ask poor Clair who had to follow me as I flitted freely around on Saturday as we explored places I love and new places. Or when she’s having to tolerate me dancing in the supermarket 😂😂
She has been with me in he darkest places she deserves to be with me on the good days too.
I hope that you are all doing well and I will catch up properly when I get home but I do carry you with me and think of you even whilst I am taking time for me 🥰❤️🏹
There are things we hear talked about on archery ranges, the Vegas in Vegas (set 5 years ago as part of my 50th birthday celebration and the plan is indeed to do that in spring 2025 and maybe also the flight on the salt plains that summer).
One of the things people talk of is Dunster – 8 days of shooting, covering a variety and range of competitions over the week.
Last June 3 friends arranged that the 4 of us would spend the day together on the Wednesday – longbow day. Just to watch (though I soon found us a job to volunteer for 🫣😂). I was in a bad place, seriously hurting and trying to find my way after giving up on life and everything else in May. I was living day by day in fact I was taking it one step at a time – literally breaking time into 15 minute blocks to get through every day.
By the time the day was over we had made a plan, if I worked hard and could pull it all together I would join my friend and we would come to Dunster for 8 days. So I sat down and made my goals, physical and mental health, a plan for 13 months.
It turned out someone important in my life left me that day, though I wasn’t to know that as they didn’t tell me, in fact that day they said “call me tomorrow” and they never took another call or spoke with me again.
A week later dad got his diagnosis and focus changed for everyone.
The plan for working on my archery didn’t go to plan as I made time priorities about dad and as a result not shooting, though I did occasionally manage to get to a range and the focus was helping me feel safe, stopping the crying and the throwing up.
Therapy sessions continued and gradually reduced in number and I worked hard on everything.
So here I am now, 13 months after setting that goal to life long enough, find a way to make living something I wanted to do. I can stand on a range and not cry, I can arrive and leave smiling, there’s the occasional wobble but I have support. It takes a village for sure.
I have tested the boundaries and worked on how to manage my pain for endurance because 8 days is going to need endurance! Last weekend saw this reach its goal of the double Windsor on the Sunday.
My scores have not been a priority, I do not have a coach, likely never will again. I do however have coaches who are friends and will sit and hear me out and spend time with me listening to my theories and helping me. I have a county captain who has been awesome and spent time on the range being my spare set of hands and eyes.
Here I sit in our little holiday home having been out and explored with my friend, visiting places I haven’t been for a while, exploring galleries and shops and chatting with people. We popped along to Dunster and made ourselves useful for a while and I am excited for what this week brings. New experiences, proof of how I am healing and laughter – lots of laughter, may be a few tears but hopefully not many.
I will be updating how Dunster is going and this week the focus is about me, something I have never done. It’s new for us all. I will occasionally sit down and answer emails etc but don’t be expecting me to respond swiftly as I usually do. This is my week and I make no apologies for it. I have worked hard to get here and I am going to enjoy it.
See you all soon, take care of you and by all means let me know how you are doing.
Some exciting new projects being discussed and planned and some great collaborations with other local Community Interest Companies too.
I never like having to refuse things and this week saw me have to turn down a couple of things but all with very good reason and luckily there are possible ways to supply different things at a later date for these groups.
As always I love going into the schools and it was great to go into Wrenn and catch up with some of the children who had been doing the curriculum sessions, and a privilege to go in to help them provide sessions for the children who have to attend on strike days.
Today I have been in to Sapcote Primary to help deliver the latest taster for one of the Leicestershire schools. It’s great to see this all coming together after the months of work we have been putting in. The children were enthusiastic and staff are very keen to learn and get this going as an after school event. They took care of us in the fire alarm test too.
Weather saw us have to postpone the latest session for Wellingborough Muslim Community group but we will sort this out soon. All archers know there is very little weather we don’t shoot in but thunderstorms are a hard no.
We are Undefeatable and also the Belong networks both had their latest meetings always great to share and learn from each other. Safeguarding and some great proactive discussions rather than just the often proactive actions. Looking forward to developing the ideas from these meetings and seeing what we can achieve.
My last competition before my trip to Dunster saw a great day with a double Windsor at Long Buckby Archery Club. A great day of testing the techniques I have been working on to enable me to get through the long days of shooting, definitely going to be important next week. I have no expectations on scores and the phrase “here to make up the numbers” intrigues me. No I am here to have fun, enjoy my sport and do what I want for me! Along the way I am lucky enough to have met amazing people who chat and allow me to help them. I started shooting thinking I might have 2 years but with the help of a friend who is an archer and a physio we are dragging this wreck through and I have surpassed 5 years! Making up the numbers? Shove off am I! My goals may not be your goals but I wish you well with yours whilst I get on with mine.
Friday 14/7 to Monday 24/7 will see me away and focusing on me, something that I just never do so be patient with me it’s a new experience for me too, not putting everyone else first 🙃
I had made plans to go to my first session at the Frank Bruno Foundation on Friday. It didn’t quite go to plan, my mind had other ideas. Grab a cuppa and I will explain.
Those of you that know me or read my blogs know I battle my mental health daily, and that I have had some serious dips over the years. For those who don’t know here’s a bit of history.
1996 saw me go through something horrific and added with some previous experiences this was the catalyst for what happened with my mind. The anxiety that I had previously now exploded and as I recovered physically from what happened I didn’t have any ideas about how to deal with my mind. So I started to teach myself how to hide it, how to function at work and in life with this huge dark energy in my head.
Over the years my body tried to warn me what ignoring my mind can do, migraine, IBS, stress related alopecia….. it kept trying and I continued to teach myself ways to hide it and carry on. Of course this takes it toll. Every day I have to convince myself stepping out of the house will be ok, at my worst, the longest time I stayed in the house was 10 months and that was long before all of the ways you can have food and shopping delivered to you at home.
Fast forward to 2015 and I was sat at work and the pain was excruciating and I could not breathe, my colleagues thought I may be having a heart attack, luckily they fetched someone who had years of previous experience working at the A&E department who sat with me and explained this was a panic attack. Doesn’t sound that bad? Well if felt like it might kill me! They still do when they visit.
Supportive colleagues saw me access therapy, something I had avoided up til now because I couldn’t see how talking about everything would help me. Wow the first couple of weeks were a surprise, sure we talked but there’s a lot to do at home between sessions and it is a lot more than talking! Serious work saw a stronger me, techniques found that worked for me to help me ground and control, some things I had self taught over the years but we built on these. 6 months of serious work and since then I have been able to drop in and out with Nora, she is worth her weight in gold and I cannot thank her enough for being that solid rock when I need her.
2022 was bad, really bad and all of my techniques were also smashed, leaving me with no coping mechanisms. Surviving the darkest place because of people who didn’t give up on me when I did, I had to dig in and start again. Absolutely this meant back to therapy, but also realising I needed new ways, because the damage created meant I couldn’t just go back to the old techniques and the diagnosis in the autumn that I have PTSD!
Here I stand, stronger than a year ago and proud of what I have accomplished in the last year but still incredibly vulnerable and looking for those new ways to strengthen my resilience, especially when I now also have the grief of the loss of my dad in January which I have not dealt with.
I am familiar with The Frank Bruno Foundation and the great work they do. I have spoken to several people who have been on programmes and they speak very highly of what those programmes have given them. Several times I have thought of going along but there’s always something in the way, I am very experienced at putting barriers in my own way! Then they advertised an 8 week programme that is being offered for blue light card users, seems like the perfect timing! As most blue light card holders work shifts we can drop in and attend as many or as few of the 8 sessions as we wish. With some help from work I quickly made arrangements to be available to attend the 2nd and the last 5 sessions. Perfect.
So, Friday morning, the voices in my head were loud, really loud! A safeguarding call asking to speak with me when I was available, not urgent but needing advice, perfect excuse that I cannot go before I have dealt with that!
The session was to start at 10:00, the sick feeling, pounding in my chest, struggling to breathe and all the doubts running round my head about a place I have never been to.
I help others step into the unknown, make arrangements for them to visit before hand, I have stood in the middle of a range in my pyjamas, why didn’t I extend the same steps to myself?
So now here I am sat in the house, upset, disappointed and angry with myself that I do not look after myself in the same way that I look after everyone else. The sunburn from JNOC has decided to choose this morning to start to peel and I hear my friend from last week – Helen what do they tell you on the plane about safety and when the masks drop down, put on your own first and then help others! That’s what you should do every day.
So I dragged myself off to the car and determined to go to the gym, if I can walk in, feel the space then those final 4 sessions will be easier because it will not be a fear of the unknown. Not quite sure where I am going – well if I can’t find it, I tried right? The sat nav took care of that of course. When I arrived it was at same time as one of the volunteers – Jo, who greeted me with warmth and a welcoming smile and took me inside to chat and have a coffee.
The group I should have been with came out and as they were going into the gym welcomed me and invited me in, coach Jo and one of the attendees – Sue, encouraged me inside. I have that flight reflex and I want to run despite the welcome, so I sat on the floor – it slows down the running! Those who know me well will be familiar with my act of using a coffee mug as a shield and there I sat with my mug in front of me to beat the demons.
I could hear my grandad, he was the one that when I was little, first sat me down to watch the boxing and talked to me about the dancing feet in fight, as I sat on the floor that was very evident and that led me to think of him and dad and their love of boxing.
Coach Joe came to sit with me and chat between leading the group, Lisa came in to take photos and also sat and chatted with me. The sickness left, the breathing settled, my mug made its way to the floor beside me. The sky didn’t fall in and I was in a safe space. As I watched and listened I was drawn to the conversation of dominance, in archery we start with what is your hand dominance but sometimes we find you might me left eye dominant despite being right handed. Just this week I found this with a young boy who has been shooting a while but moving him to left made a massive difference. It appears feet are the same. We start with hand dominance but in the group two attendees have discovered they are left footed, the brain is amazing.
Lisa and I left the room to chat about work we do, overlaps in aims and maybe things we might even do together for service users but maybe for some down time for staff and volunteers.
It was the drop in session, another coffee and chatting to lots of people, me explaining my failure this morning and the desire to attend and remove the demon and change the loss to a draw. I was chatting with Martin who told a little about himself and what the programmes have given him, including the confidence to propose and showed me some photos from the wedding just 2 months ago. How amazing.
Thank you to everyone who welcomed me and chatted with me, serious conversation, laughter and support. I would very much recommend that anyone thinking of going, try it and maybe the drop in sessions are a great ice breaker, no pressure but a gentle way to walk in the door, there are lots of different programmes, for adults and young people so it’s definitely worth chatting to find out what will suit you. Maybe you have something to offer as a volunteer I often speak of how volunteering can be a great way to try something before taking part.
Lisa, myself and Kate from West Northants council went back into the gym to take some photos and amidst the laughter and conversations I most definitely found a safe space, of amazing people, from a variety of backgrounds and I will be back for those remaining 4 sessions but likely so much more. If I haven’t mentioned you by name, I apologise, I am hopeless at remembering names, I will learn them eventually 🤗
I wanted to turn my loss to a draw but I think it ended on a win! I didn’t do what I had planned but it was successful none the less. Be kind to yourself and allow for your own feelings.
Have a great weekend I hope those storms don’t ruin too many plans.
Thank you to Jonathon Yau for his photos this weekend and the various parents who caught me as I ran around.
I have spoken before about volunteering for Archery GB and the competition team. As I enjoy competing I am grateful to those who work hard to put events on, whatever the level, local club scored rounds to international competitions the basics are very similar, just number of competitors that often see the need for an increase in the numbers of workforce required. Don’t be afraid, give it a go, those who have been doing it a while are always on hand in the moment to help and as with any busy, time restricted happening, there’s occasionally a cross word, but at the end of the day when we collapse over food and prep for tomorrow this are resolved and forgotten and replaced with laughter.
We are successful because we work hard together and take care of each other, we are a team. Blue shirts, green shirts, paid staff and volunteers and by far the most important thing is we have a sense of humour, as can often be seen in the photos.
Why do I do it? This weekend I had a child approach me to ask if they could show me a photo, a collage of what they have won or earned since last year’s JNOC. This same child stood on this same grass a year ago crying and they were going to quit, not withdraw from the competition but quit the sport. I, as I often do, saw them and started a conversation, with them, with their parent. We kind of sorted it, they went back to the line, and a couple of times came back to find me over the weekend for another little chat. A year later they wanted to show me their achievements and thanked me for helping them stay in the sport.
It is a privilege to be allowed to help someone pause, breathe and reset. I have children and adults who often come to find me at competitions to let me know how they are doing, 6 months, a year, 5 years later, 1 who messages me occasionally from overseas to update me as they no longer live in the UK. Often these are people who I don’t know until I see them crying on a range. In part it’s who I am, I know how it feels when life is biting you, if I can help I will. In part it’s the safeguarding officer in me. Mental well-being is as important as everything else that we are taking care of.
Which is why it’s hard to see children, or adults, crying because a parent or coach is shouting, in some cases swearing at an archer. As they come back from the line, being berated for their scores! There are less of these than those who support, but there are far too many and whilst we are looking at ways to change it, it’s huge, a culture created over time. It’s not acceptable and certainly I have seen and supported some with very real, very serious examples of bullying.
There’s also too many examples of children bullying others, encouraged by parents and coaches because throwing them off their game might bring down their scores and let you win. Sure it might, but it does make you a bully and it’s not something to encourage by responsible grown ups!
As ever my body hates what I drag out of it when I do these events and I now have to recover. It’s worth it to me, another event that was a success put on by team work. Now it’s time to sit and reflect on what happened, what I might do going forward and also how I might help create change for others too.
Thank you to everyone who reached out to celebrate my first year of Integr8Archery and those who have read the membership magazine will see the numbers quoted vary a little from what I was able to finalise for my end of year data, simply because they needed information to get the magazine ready and I still had another 6 weeks work to put in! You will have noticed that I am on more than one page 😱😂 but it’s making me smile how you all think Clair is me too, my shirt and hats are warn by many, I am not the only crazy archer out there getting bows in hands, I do have help 🙃
Thank you to everyone who sent kind words in reply to the Northamptonshire Sports article on my being selected as a Northants Active Champion, it was a little overwhelming and incredibly humbling – thank you 😊
Events delivered last week, more planned over this week and the summer and meetings, meetings, meetings! The latest children’s coaching collaborative meeting discussing play their way, was another great session and it’s always great to be in the multi sports environment as I do think that whilst things need to change in archery there’s lots who need the same change and supporting each other can only make us stronger.
I am trying to pull as much together as I can before my Dunster week, I don’t know what time or internet access I will have whilst there for 10 days so let’s get what we can sorted before I am away. It’s amazing how many people have asked me to shave days off my trip, no! I have worked hard this last year to stay in my sport with a bow in my hand and to relearn the joy and how to smile. So I won’t be giving it up! I don’t care about scores or bling, I am going to experience something I was previously discouraged from doing and doing it with my friend.
I will let you know how it goes as I am sure I will be encouraging you all to give it a go to.
Take care and enjoy your week 🥰 hugs and kisses to you all
A long day today and my back is screaming so an early shower and pjs to end my volunteering at competition day 1 of JNOC. Later arrival than planned for Friday didn’t see me get chance to do much work yesterday but did give me chance to sit and catch up with the friends who are my competition family after dinner.
What can I say about this week so far? I am blown away! By the response and messages to my celebration of the 1st birthday of Integr8Archery and the post by Northamptonshire Sports.
Several meetings including the latest Children’s Coaching Collaborative, coffee and catch up, the first following the launch of the play their way campaign. A couple of meetings set with contacts from here so it will be interesting to see what they lead to. Very much on my mind today as I dealt with tears on the range, and coaches behaving badly!
The latest magazine is a packed edition and looks fabulous, and you might recognise mention of a CIC in there and some photos of some of us! 😜
Hope your weekend is going well, back out at Lilleshall tomorrow so off to rest and see what I can do with my back.
For those of you who have been here from the beginning you may have noticed the date! 52 weeks in a year right? So that would make today the day! 365 days – yes? So that would make tomorrow the day 😜 but as you know I do my end of week blogs on Tuesday and a midweek blog on Saturday. So please forgive me – I’m using the 52 weeks for my celebrating 🥳
A small group of people woke up 52 weeks ago to a message that I had been up all night with paper scattered all over the floor making lists of pros and cons and planning and the decision had been firmly made that I was sticking with my sport, as an archer, with my projects, getting it out there to new people but also continuing to work with those already in the sport who faced changes of various kinds to stay with the sport. After months of various people telling me I could, I had heard the message the evening before and decided he and all the others offering to support me might be right, I had been doing this for years before I collaborated and I could do it going forward without those collaborations too.
So I needed to set up a business, quickly and move forward with the world understanding who I am and what I wanted to do, but first I needed a name – we had sorted it between us within 3 hours, a logo was next – I had that by tea time! A plan, I had created that in the middle of the night. A website started the following day, a Facebook page, instagram ………. an announcement to the world! What a first week! Community Interest Company – non profit – status granted, terms firmly set. An archery club – a committee and away we went!
6 months allowed me to reveal amazing stats, available because in January 2021 I started to keep stats on my hours as a response to criticism about why a person would volunteer and not do all of these things for profit. Stats on the projects were easy as I had been keeping those for years.
Those figures were seen by my dad, my weekly voice of reality in those 6 months as I started Integr8Archery a week after his diagnosis and the news he only had a few months left. Those conversations were a break for us both from the conversations about his illness, his treatment and the information we had about what his wishes were and what a future without him might be. I was proud he saw those figures, he was proud of what I had achieved in those 6 months. A week later – as I was writing my 27 weeks blog, I was sat chatting to him knowing there was very little time left, but he had wanted to know everything and so we shared the writing of that blog just hours before he lost his fight. I want him here to see what I have to share today, he isn’t, but I know what he would say, because he shared his thoughts and I hear him daily 🤗
So, my 2 a week blogs have kept you up to date with events and plans.
52 weeks in Numbers –
52 weeks = 1085 hours of my time given, for free to Integr8Archery! For every 1 hour there has been a bow in the new hands of 1.9 people! So many sustainable groups along with one off sessions or short term groups. Community groups that strive to include everyone – to hit my aims for equality, inclusion, diversity and accessibility.
“ changing lives through archery”
But what else, we know I don’t just give my time to Integr8Archery.
I have given 206.5 hours of my time to Archery GB to volunteer as part of the competition workforce. I shoot and I love competitions and whilst I am only ever interested in what I am doing, comparing myself only with myself, I know competitions only happen because of volunteers – give it a go! It’s by far the best blue shirt there is, to wear amongst a great volunteer family.
I have also given 34 hours to other things, such as marshalling, I use other sports to help me stay grounded, mix with others. It certainly helps with my headspace to keep my circle wider than my sport, one that I love, but one where I was taken to my knees.
So, that’s 1325.5 hours of my time given as a volunteer across sports. 25.4 hours a week! That’s on top of my very demanding day job, my family and friends and my own shooting. I don’t sleep, we know that, what else would I do with my time 😂🫣🤷♀️ I mean we get 168 hours in a week, how do you spend yours 🙃
Thank you to my family, friends, club committee and every coach or ear/shoulder of support from 28/6/22 to date.
It blows my mind that just 6 weeks prior to that I was sat in A&E because I found myself in a place that meant I could only see one answer, simply not to be here at all! Well if I had succeeded that day over 2000 people are unlikely to have picked up a bow!
Seriously though, I have been asked why I share what’s happening with my mental health? Why? Because it might just help even 1 person and if it does that’s what matters.
In the autumn I was formally diagnosed with PTSD, see why it’s relevant that today – my year is also PTSD awareness day!
My mental health has been an issue since 1996 and the trauma that changed everything, over the years it’s created a number of issues and I do share about them. I have had a number of ways to deal with that and learn methods to handle the issues that I face and live with. However from November 2021 to June 2022 someone set about destroying those methods leaving me in a darker place, with my grounding and management techniques removed – coping was unlikely.
My counsellor is amazing, without a doubt a focus has helped and here I sit, with these amazing numbers to show as a result of that focus.
I have tried new things, we’re still learning how to replace what I had taken. I do know that if you look at how relaxed I am on the range, shooting, smiling on arrival and departure – wow, look at the change from the fear and the tears of 2022. Thank you for the support and hugs and patience that I was shown and to the clubs who now give me safe space where I know my mind can calm.
There have been happenings in the last couple of weeks that have made me stumble and I can say that I am about to embark on another new step, having signed up to a programme with The Frank Bruno Foundation. I will let you know how it goes.
I sit here with a list of planned events, new ideas bouncing around even just Monday 26/6/23 seeing communications starting around some possible VI work and new sustainable sessions. Exciting things to come in the second year of Integr8Archery CIC. I am proud of what I have achieved so far and excited about what is to come. You are welcome to continue to join me – the 2 blogs a week will continue for those who are interested. Saturday will give you a little more information about how those numbers I have quoted here breakdown.
Today? Eat cake and raise a cuppa with me 🥳
See you all soon, it is a privilege to be allowed to be a part of what our sport can give to those who pick up a bow ❤️🏹 thank you 🥰
This week is flying by! So much to do! 2 delivered sessions for different groups this week so far and two this weekend! Not sure bout that rain cloud that’s heading this way, time for it to pass before the group start shooting at 13:30 though 🤞🏻 whenever I tell newbies that ours is an all weather sport they never look convinced in those early days, once the shooting bug has set in they won’t mind the wet at all.
Had a couple of planning meetings, looking good and managed to shoot some arrows of my own! Imagine that!! Still struggling to get passed the 58% of my desired arrow volume though Dunster week will help there 😂 getting excited now, only a few weeks left and we booked our accommodation over a year ago! I make no apologies for how often I am going to mention it in the coming weeks 😂😂
Chilled over some fletching this morning – always good to clear the head and blast some music!
Good luck to my friends shooting the masters at Lilleshall and those shooting the 2nd Caswell. Let me know how you get on 😊
For those resting, or do something different this weekend – enjoy it😎
It’s been a busy week for sure! Meetings, calls, reviews and prepping for the end of school year fun and competitions, the summer holidays and for the new school year in September. So many ongoing projects and new ones in the pipelines. Looks like year 2 of Integr8Archery is going to be as busy as the first one!
I managed to put in a little bit of time for marshalling at the 5k at Castle Ashby, I love the vibe of the running community, Rose and I loved running and volunteering and I still get joy from that environment. It also reminds me that I have volunteered for many years without archery and that I and the outside world have a lot to offer each other.
Multi sports is a great way to find balance and I love sharing ideas around what combining forces can achieve, which led to a fantastic conversation yesterday and maybe new possibilities of us joining together for the community. So many of us have similar aims but can feel the tasks are too big, sharing can be a great way of helping each other at the same time as creating community projects.
Only managed to shoot practise arrows this week at limited distance but it feels good to have the bow in my hand. Planning for Dunster is huge priority and I am very much looking forward to the week.
Lots planned for this coming week as I approach the first birthday of Integr8Archery CIC, the data looks fantastic and I am incredibly happy with what I have achieved and grateful to those who have joined me in this first year, to deliver what we have. For now I shall concentrate on the three events this week and the several meetings, whilst enjoying reflecting on the high points and learning from the things that didn’t go to plan.
Enjoy your week, everyone.
This is going to make me smile for a while, not being allowed to go as a child, but earning my first brownies badge at 48 years old and sharing campfire s’mores ❤️🏹🥰
In life we set ourselves goals, aims, outcomes – whatever you choose to name them. Sport is another place we often set ourselves targets.
From deciding I was going to pick up a bow and booked my beginners course I had a goal, this has continued in the 5 years that I have been shooting. I usually have several at any time and they will all lead towards a main goal. That one big thing that everything else feeds into. I review my goals regularly around a number of things, kit, health, time and of course I shoot two different styles of archery so there are times I juggle those against each other.
How do you choose what is a reasonable goal, realistic, stretching.
Who do you allow to influence you? Coach, shooting friends, squad members, shooting buddies?
What if you want to focus on something different to those people, do you stand your ground?
I recall a conversation with a coach where I was told my goal wasn’t enough, that they could push me to achieve a different goal because they believed in their ability as a coach rather than actually taking the time to understand what my goal meant. No real surprise then when I achieved something that I had worked from the beginning towards, taking 3 and a half years to achieve and that person didn’t even acknowledge what I had achieved as exactly that, an achievement! Bemusing really.
So I guess my question/request is, what do you want, is what you are working towards what you want or what someone else wants from you? I ask because it’s important, and the impact can have a massive impact on your mental and/or emotional wellbeing. So it’s definitely worth thinking about it and just checking on what you want.
