A most awful day?! But an amazing support crew along the field ❤️
I am often asked about why I talk about my mental health, why don’t I hide it? Erm, because it shouldn’t be hidden!
Easter Sunday 2020 I decided, as I sat drinking my early morning coffee in the garden, to cut down a couple of trees and got on with it, was making good time proceeding well, and boom – found myself impaled on a tree stump! Scared people who cared whilst we waited to find out the short and long term answers. Thanks to an amazing surgical team seeing me in A&E and then going on to see me every second day for a couple of weeks, I can say I have still got my leg, it’s got a scar and a dent and I have covered it in an ocean where every creature represents and is named by an archer.
But as I went through that process and even now when it’s not happy, people want to know, how am I getting on, can they help?
I have joint and pain related issues, my asthma that’s not happy, my damaged ear with it’s resulting hearing impairment and now the blood disorder. (Yes! I know I am physically a wreck 🤷♀️). All of these things, people help or ask about.
But my mind, well – it would be easier if you hid it, kept it to yourself, it’s uncomfortable.
It’s still Health!!! So Why?
I am not going to hide it, and if me talking about it helps someone else with their issues then I am glad I shared.
This last year has been horrific, I don’t need to share why, but I can say when I need to – today I need a bit of extra care, or a little extra support or can you just be a little more mindful?
I have been blessed to have a small group of amazing people who have supported me more than I could have imagined and I am grateful. I have cried – a lot! You find it annoying? Not anywhere near as much as I do!!
My counsellor and I have worked harder in 2022 than we have had to in years. We are kind of at an impasse now, there are so many answers I need that are being withheld and telling me to get over IT when you really do not understand what IT is, doesn’t help, but I will likely nod and humour you and just remove you from my circle because then you don’t have to deal with it, because that’s what you are saying, you don’t want to or it’s uncomfortable to.
Those amazing people who stay by my side, they admit, like me that we don’t have the answers, that’s ok, they are however willing to sit with me in my dark, and because of them and my children I am still here when there have been serious spells this year when I almost wasn’t, because I believed (and sometimes still do) that might have been the better answer for us all.
I am not asking you to take it all on, I don’t need everyone to know the whole story.
What I am asking you is why if I am physically unwell is that ok to discuss but when my mind wobbles I am asked to hide it?
Stigmas around mental health are tough to break, but I will not live with them or hide because of them.
There is a lot of information out there and this is important to know where to look because most people have issues at some point in their lives and need a little support, but for some people it’s a daily battle – ongoing.
Please check out Mind if you want to learn a little.
So relieved when I walked onto this range in June that it was one where I do still feel safe, never shot on it, but certainly would have walked away from my sport if this had not been safe for my well-being. ❤️🏹
Firstly I want to say I am blessed to know many men and boys who are amazing examples of what we should be celebrating and are great role models, you don’t have to be prefect to be an example to others.
So I would like to say thank you to every one of you who bring something to my world. I am not going to name names or list what each give me, support, laughter, hugs, listening to me on my worried, sad, excited days. Encouraging me to be the best version of me that I can be. Without a doubt my dad and my son have been amazing this year despite their own issues, but there are others who have not given up on me and gently pushed me – thank you, every single one of you.
The theme of 2022 is helping men and boys. We are all familiar with Movember which is an opportunity to raise money and focus on men’s health and tomorrow, 20th November is International Children’s Day and it is suggested this year that we focus on 48 hours of celebration of men and children the special relationships that they share. With this in mind I would like to thank Paul Sharpe for being a great father to our amazing children and helping them to achieve their goals.
Take a look at these links and enjoy helping the men in your life know that we do appreciate everything that they do.
This has been a busy week and I have a couple of things to share, especially news that I received yesterday, but I will cover all of that in Tuesday’s end of week blog.
The last few weeks have been re-posted blogs after someone asked if I could share them as they had heard about them from another archer. This one seems especially appropriate as we are moving indoors and this was originally posted towards the end of the last indoor season. So, grab a brew and have a read. A quick thank you to the archers who have reached out in the 8 months following this too, I know how hard it is to talk to someone about the changes that we fear, thank you for trusting me.
SOMEONE ELSE’S PERSPECTIVE
Originally Published 25th February 2022 by Aim4Sport.
Firstly, read all of this if you are going to read it!
Last year I wrote about my issues with moving to seated to continue shooting.
The response to that has blown me away, thank you to everyone who responded but especially to 5 people who reached out. Each with different issues, some were moving to seated, some a change in bow styles, but all at a point where it was to change or quit?
Each with similar issues around the changes but chatting and sharing and a couple of archers who really let me help, we are all still shooting. That’s not to say some days are not still a struggle as we adapt to the changes.
So, what have I learned in the last year following that blog?
That I am not the only one struggling, that sharing your story can help others in ways you didn’t expect.
But – also?
I have always enjoyed competing, it’s never about anything other than competing against myself. I enjoy the company of other archers and I hope each achieve their own goals, but their outcome does not effect mine, because I am not competing against them.
So with this in mind, summer 2021 was a return to competition for many, opening back up still dealing with the pandemic.
For me, trying to come to terms with taking the shooting stool to places and with people I don’t know, unsure how I would be received.
My team – coach, Dave Leader and physio, Benjamin Horner – always there, when I wobble and need a word. It’s my right to shoot and we are claiming it. My club, Aim4sport AC supporting the change.
Not everyone is open to those who make the shooting line awkward, require some accommodation, but my aim when I applied to become an Archery GB ambassador was to push inclusion and I have worked hard to ensure that disability archers are not excluded, so why is it harder to push for yourself than for others? Admit it, it is for most of us!
Some of the toughest opposition I have faced has been from entirely unexpected sources, those you’d expect to support me.
I have had an amazing team of people prepared to work as agents for me, a role I have done for many over the last 5 years, wheelchair archers, VI archers, world transplant games!
It took one of those archers who I had agented for, to give me firm words to have me accept it was ok to ask for help, that I am not a burden despite the words of some.
So off I went, into the outdoor season, sometimes with an agent, sometimes not!! But determined that I would see only my aim to get that elusive first classification that had been so close but eluded me for 3 years as my body gave into the pain.
I chose the first shoot out of county very carefully.
Guildford Archery Club is somewhere I have enjoyed shooting and watching my children shoot, perfect. Or so I thought!!!! (My mistake not theirs)!
I arrived the night before to realise I had left Bert (the shooting stool at home)!
I messaged the TO and was entirely overwhelmed the following morning to arrive and find they had me a stool waiting!!!!! Wow! A little emotional and hugging the work party who were proving that I had absolutely made the right choice in my first competition out of county with no agent!
It didn’t go so well, I couldn’t finish, though it looks very similar this taught me that all of that time working with my engineers to get my stool set for me was worth it. They are not all the same.
A learning experience so definitely no regrets.
I was encouraged by this to go out and get on with it.
Often finding kindness but also often finding myself sat in the very same place. Right at the end, on the right of the shooting line. Lonely, to be truthful but happy to be shooting and this is perhaps the price to pay to continue with my sport?
The outdoors ended and the move indoors which I hate every year! New bow to celebrate getting that first classification finally!!!!!
For a variety of reasons I haven’t managed many indoor shoots but I am booking in and trying to aim for the target I set myself.
The indoors seems to make availability of agents less?
So key to this is being brave enough to ask for help.
Then I struggled at a competition with my mental health, and as the work party paid attention to me because they knew I was struggling they suddenly noticed what no one ever does!
I am on the far right of the line again, literally my nose against the brick wall for a double Portsmouth.
What happened next however is what is most important. A conversation that they have never seen what happens, knowing they have seen it at theirs and other tournament venues but never thinking of the impact of what is happening on the archer!
Apologies, it’s ok – it really is, or is it?
Most of us just feel grateful that we are welcomed, that we are accepted, as a burden as we are often told and you make space for us on the line!
But I can say that their reaction and how talking to me, talking to the judges about practicalities and ways to move us whilst meeting all the needs of everyone, means that going forward anyone seated at Archers of Raunds will be less isolated and definitely included in the shooting line.
It also opened up an entire conversation around how we sometimes look at the easy fix but is it the most appropriate fix for the person you are trying to help, will they ask if they need more?
Can you look at what you do and say did you just do enough or did you put a little more thought into what the individual might need?
Did you accommodate them or did you actually welcome and include them?
I am not asking for you to make people feel special, just considered. I also know that some archers like the very end so they can focus the mind and shut everyone out.
All I am asking you to question is how do you feel when you look at the line, how might you be accommodating everyone.
I know that this will annoy some, those same people who have tried to tell me I have no right to shoot if I cannot stand or if I cannot collect my own arrows. We are, after all, entitled to our own opinion, but if we can make people slightly more welcome in our sport surely it’s worth just stopping to think for a moment?
Lots in the background and the coming weeks will see a lot of work put into action. Meetings with archers, facilities, suppliers, committees, multi sport groups, basically planning, planning and more planning.
Some exciting things in the pipeline for new groups focusing on support and inclusion and particularly showing what we already know, that our sport is amazing for helping with your head space, mental health and stress can be helped by the simple art of repetition that we all spend so many hours taking part in.
New schools, existing schools, activity partnerships, new relationships to work together and strengthen what we can achieve through the power of helping people access sports in a safe and welcoming environment. Plans for next outdoor season bubbling away and firming my list of coaches interested in helping with the goals of what I want integr8archery to achieve.
4 new people who have reached out based on what they are reading to chat about their ongoing archery and if what they want is achievable, realistic? One of who is a novice disability archer who is wondering if they can succeed at becoming a coach! Those who know me well know that I am a huge Disney fan so ” if you can dream it, you can do it” was easy to quote. But seriously I have two wheelchair friends who coach at different sports and one is also a personal trainer and dance instructor (though just in case he’s reading I have yet to be taught how to dance – just saying!).
So when asked why I am posting twice a week? Firstly I am a person in charge of a community interest company and I think it’s incredibly important that what I am doing can be seen, but these things I write, sometimes they strike a cord for the person reading them and they reach out and chat, the power of community is so very strong and I have spent years working on my little piece of the community in which I give, this has never meant that I need to be in the same room and I have friends that I have known for years who I have never physically met but we are so much stronger together because of the support we provide each other. So I will continue to write twice a week and share, because I am actually surprised at some of the things that are the bit that people read that connects us.
To prove this point, following Saturday’s blog, I had people thank me for sharing and also talking about the difference I have made for them in times that they were considering leaving the sport and how they are pleased I have chosen to stay and continue the work that I am doing. Never underestimate the difference that a kind word, a smile or a hug might make. I appreciate those who stay in touch to let me know how you are getting on, I enjoy your news and successes, we each measure our own success based on what we want and I celebrate with all of you.
This week? More meetings and calls to firm up some plans and some more funding applications for some of the groups, so enjoy your week and thank you for joining me so far. ❤️🏹 I never take any of you or the time you take to read what I am doing for granted. Thank you 😊
I might, one day, learn how to take a photo with a serious face – but to be fair i haven’t in the 47 years so far 🫣😂
Last week’s republished blog was around the changes created by my physical health and the pain it creates, the decision to continue to shoot or quit. This week is around the battles my mental health can create and sees a republish of a blog that I wrote and was first published by Aim4Sport on the 19th February 2022.
This seems particularly important as I have rounded off my outdoor season with a shoot for the county today and I have reflected on my personal social media how the first competition of the outdoor season saw me cry through three dozen arrows as I battled with the idea of loosing my sport completely, had a rollercoaster of emotion, successes and failures but I am reaching the end of the season in a different mind set to how I started.
So, I again, invite you to grab a cuppa and read this from earlier in the year:
MAYBE THE BIGGEST SUCCESS WAS JUST LEAVING THE HOUSE?
Published 19th February 2022
Right now life isn’t easy, there are a long list of things happening and I am waiting on tests and results on top of all of that. I haven’t been able to shoot properly after upsetting my back, literally 3 weeks ago today I couldn’t put my foot flat to the floor and I am blessed that my physio is also my friend and that my coach is my best friend because that is what it took to get me through that particular evening. So today was going to be my first real competition with Calliope (my new bow). Booked weeks ago and long before all of the things that have hit to add to the usual struggles.
I had finally managed to get my first class badge with the 2021 outdoor season – 3 years in the making and hard earned. So I came to the outdoor season with a goal and a new bow!
Tried a frostbite on Boxing Day and couldn’t finish, then the back!!!
Had a couple of issues leading up to this week, like sitting crying with my laptop because I could not press the on button and having to call the office to admit that my mental health had tanked. Sunday morning arrived and I love competition, I am only shooting against myself and never have an expectation of the actual event itself. But today it was tough, really tough, for a variety of reasons. Still struggling with the concept of sitting to shoot some days, because no matter how much support you have, some days the voices who are trying to push you down are louder.
No you can’t see what is wrong with me, no you have no right to ask or to share your opinion of me, but some feel it’s ok to tell you if you can’t stand you shouldn’t be shooting.
So, feeling vulnerable and having a rough week, I discover my agent is not joining me.
Why am I trying? Why am I fighting, surely just quitting would be easier!!
But I have people in my life who know how I would view that later if I gave in!! So with some encouragement I took a deep breath and left the house, not easy and I have, in the past, spent weeks/months in the house unable to step outside so never underestimate the effort it may have taken to step over the threshold and go outside.
By the time I arrived I was sobbing, tears streaming down my face, but I knew there were people inside that range who would support me, and all the things in my head trying to tell me to go home would be wrong if I could just get out of the car. So I walked in and indeed there were people, archers who don’t need information but I just reached out and said I need your help, I need to shoot today to allow me to continue tomorrow or that may be the end of my shooting for good.
And help they did with no information, people who knew me, people who didn’t, getting me and my kit in, set up and onto the line. Three different agents over 2 sessions. Pretty? Not at all!! Though there were a lot of photos taken so I will see if I looked like I might have vaguely had a clue how to shoot! Scores? Who cares? First competition with a new bow, no agent and overwhelming anxiety.
I came home with 2 silver medals for the single and the double rounds but they are more like medals for surviving the day. I cannot thank the people who got me through today enough and I look forward to returning to the same venue in 6 weeks to shoot again, hopefully with a smile on my face. But also, from my day, came learning. A club who saw me and the issues and reached out to ask some questions about the stool and how I felt and a realisation that actually they have never really taken into account some elements around seated archers, so a conversation with the judges and some new things in place to allow them to support anyone who shoots with them to be in the most comfortable environment that they can be.
It makes a difference to know a club welcomes anyone and will work with them to get things right if they realise they can improve. So on a day when my biggest achievement was leaving the house and not letting the voices in my head beat me and take away my sport, a positive experience for us all and one that will hopefully help others in the future. My point? Be kind, always kind because you never know what someone went through just to be stood in the room with you.
So today’s event at the local school has been postponed until Monday to allow us to move indoors. This will be a great day to give back to a group of young carers who do an amazing job of both attending school and keeping up with their education, whilst at the same time taking care of someone .
They will have so much more fun being inside in the cooler environment than trying to battle the rising temperatures and heatwave.
With this in mind, and the fact that earlier in the year I signed up with melanoma fund to become a sun guard ambassador I would ask you to take some time to look at how you take care of yourself over the next few days.
Key is looking at heatstroke, heat exhaustion and hydration.
Staying safe and well in the heat – messaging from public health for parents/carers and guardians:
A Heat-Health alert has been put into place as even overnight temperatures are predicted to be very warm.
High temperatures come with health consequences for some people. It’s important to protect those most vulnerable including our children, those with health conditions and elderly, as well as keeping yourself safe.
Here are our top tips for staying safe in the heat: • look out for those who may struggle to keep themselves cool and hydrated • stay hydrated, take water with you if you are travelling or out and about • stay out of the sun between 11am and 3pm as this is when UV rays are the strongest – avoid physical exertion at this time • if you have to go out in the heat stay in the shade, apply sunscreen and wear a wide brimmed hat • close curtains in rooms that the sun faces – this will help rooms remain cooler – remember it could be cooler outdoors than indoors • never leave anyone in a parked closed vehicle – especially not animals, children or babies • avoid travelling at peak times on motorways, particularly if transporting children or the elderly • sadly accidents, often fatal, happen in water at this time of year particularly involving youngsters. That’s why we’re asking parents to supervise their children in and around water. Although it can be fun to cool off in water structures such as bridges, locks and flood channels, and reservoirs and quarries should be avoided. Make sure you know the RNLI’s Float to Live • unexpectedly cold water or strong currents can catch even experienced swimmers off guard. Better to swim safely at one of the county’s organised events where support is provided
Look out for signs of heat exhaustion and heatstroke and follow some common sense behaviours to make the most of what should be a glorious time for most.
