So it’s almost indoor season! How do I know this? Rose brought me my first pumpkin spiced latte!! I am strictly a strong black coffee drinker apart from PSL and Gingerbread latte! Oh and an occasional mocha because why choose between hot chocolate and coffee when you can put it all together 😂😂☕️🤔
So, this week has been calls, meetings, training and prepping for new groups and projects. Plus my latest online meeting with those amazing folks across the ocean, it is a little surreal to be involved in projects in different time zones and though I know some of the people creating these projects I have not physically met any of the people holding a bow for the first time! Though along with the photos I sometimes I receive I did get a little email with a recorded video message from 3 amazing 8 year olds. For those who know me, you know I am a hugger and I really wanted a little group hug there 🤗❤️🏹
Working all weekend and prepping for Monday’s conference in Manchester which will be a long day but I think will be fantastic. So only chance of me shooting is in the house, but if the stars all line up I may be introducing someone to our sport and from a different angle this weekend.
Take care of yourselves, enjoy the weekend and catch up with you soon.
So I am a week away from a quarter of the way through year 2 of Integr8Archery! I still can’t believe I have a CIC and a club! I do however love how it’s all tied down tight on paper with the government so that anyone who does any work with me can’t take advantage of the CIC.
So what’s the last week been? Calls, webinars, teams, zoom, webex …… attending the inaugural conference hosted by the Muslim Sports Foundation. Many interesting speakers and some great networking as well as catching up with friends who were also in attendance.
Testing options and making decisions regarding how to proceed with my own archery. Those made and the next 4 weeks planned to complete my outdoor season for 2023 and a plan created for the serious work that will begin to learn to shoot again through the indoor season. Certainly will not be bored! There will be no time for that!
October will see my new agreed rota start for the day job, adjusting to allow family and shooting time and remove some of the stresses of trying to fit those in whilst doing a job I love. It all become a little mangled and messy over the summer so this should be a great step forward to let me have control of time back.
Lots to do for Integr8Archery with new groups and sessions being requested and lots of great things in the pipeline.
I love getting updates from groups and individuals who keep me up to date with what is happening and I am loving the data for this next quarter as much as I did those first 12 months. It is a privilege to be allowed to bring my sport to people and work with those already in it, thank you.
This weekend will see Chris undertake her assessment to become a sessions coach, I am so very proud of her, having been an instructor for years, joining the education project in September 2021 when she answered the email Archery GB sent out for me to the local instructors, she has become an important part of the team who supports me, continuing to work with schools and wanting to further her knowledge. Thank you too goes to Northamptonshire Sport for funding to help with the cost of her course.
Today is Youth Mental Heath Day – check out Young Minds or Stem for help with support. This years theme is #bebrave which can mean many things to many people. Take a look at The Children’s Society page to look at the latest good childhood report.
With this in mind it was extremely good to receive the email from The NSPCC to announce that the online safety bill has been passed. It’s been a long road but absolutely worth the efforts of anyone who’s supported it.
Have a good week and take care of yourselves please ❤️🏹
Two weeks ago I sat on the line in my county shirt knowing that my hand was going to prevent much of anything, but I was going to have fun with my county squad mates.
I have had issues with the nerves for around 6 years and it’s impacted my fingers on and off. 2023 has seen it really ramp up and loss of sensation and dropping things is now incredibly common – I have broken some things that are irreplaceable this summer 😞 From an archery point of view shooting when your fingers can’t feel your release aid is a little tricky and constantly picking the release aid up off the floor is tedious!
So I gave in and visited the medical centre, nerve damage in my wrist, hand and the ulnar nerve – impacting my thumb, three fingers and hand. A lump of escaped fluid from the wrist that has settled above the nerves in my lump – not helping!
I am waiting on an appointment for nerve testing to then allow us to make a decision going forward, a whole bunch of things have been suggested in that appointment including some surgeries. In the meantime the wrist brace, those who know me well know how well I take to these things, like the shooting stool – I see everything as giving in, not aiding me to continue – I hoped to prove I didn’t need it, but it was clear, very clear that it does help, it makes a difference. I have to take it off for a number of hours and have to think about when to time that but when it’s on I carry things, when it’s off I drop them 🙃 it works then!
Having to wear the wrist brace means I have to think about release aids. Yesterday saw me on the field and trying options, yes the photos aren’t pretty – you can’t adjust the bow for each when you are trying multiple and flipping back and forth asking questions! So judge if you like but I am not asking for hints and tips on draw – thank you for the advice, social media is awesome for armchair coaching!
Easy option is stay with what I use and tie it to me, but we have to consider the long term, which lends itself to the wrist release. Absolutely will mean working my backside off over the indoor season but I started to flesh out my plan and create a little team to support me. Good old pen and paper and a table – whoop all those hours at school wondering when I would ever do this as an adult – even played with the glittery highlighters 😂
So my hand it would appear going to be wearing the wrist brace and a wrist release, well at least it’s going to help keep it warm over the winter – right? Silver lining right there 😂🫣
What else have I been doing? Conference with the Muslim Sport Foundation and meetings with Sport England and a couple of new community groups, getting back to what’s important – introducing people to our sport, people who think they are not welcome to pick up a bow. More to come on these over the next few weeks.
Today I shall be at DISC, I love this group they are so welcoming and we smile – a lot. Then off to Towcester to shoot with friends and just practise using my release aid whilst it’s tied to me as I have a couple more shoots planned and I am not playing with the wrist release in competition.
Have a good Sunday ❤️🏹 Can’t wait to hear how Rose and the Northamptonshire Junior Team got on today.
Not going to lie, the decision to use my middle finger for the wrist release and not my index finger, does feel poetic 😜
Also, my hair is growing back! Who knows for how long but last weekend at work didn’t see it all jump off my head so maybe it will stay a little while, notice the white hair is always the first to grow back 🫣😂
Kind of feel like a nap would be amazing! But we know I don’t sleep well so in reality – unlikely 🫣
What a week it’s been, kind of getting used to the wrist brace, hate it and have yet to find time to pick up my bow and see how that all works together, dreading doing it for the first time but I have support so hopefully we will fathom a path quickly 🤞🏻
Safeguarding has been a huge part of this week – in both the day job and my sport, often hard work and an intense weekend saw me have to put everything else to one side for a couple of days, but there was nothing going to spoil and I did answer urgent enquiries.
Which brings me to several messages I have received over the weekend, 8 by this morning, from people who were at the Disability Championships this weekend. I was supposed to be volunteering but had to withdraw due to work commitments, I will be at the indoors in December and I am stabilising my calendar for next year. So I was surprised to find people think I have quit volunteering and closing down Integr8Archery CIC! Not a single idea where those ideas have come from, so very difficult to answer as I don’t know the root of it all.
Schools are back and it’s great to see some children return to archery and also new children try our sport, perfect.
New projects bubbling away and getting ready to start, exciting!
looking forward to the communing week, tomorrow a day with the Muslim Sports Foundation and lots of like minded people in the room working towards the same goals. Sunday I shall be at DISC, always lovely to spend time with them at their sessions. These are just a couple of the highlights.
For now? Coffee and emails to catch up on everything that’s going on.
Take care of yourselves and I look forward to catching up with you soon ❤️🏹
This week I had to choose between national flight championships and an invitation to shoot for the county.
Having shot flight nationals in 2021 and 2022 and making great friends there as well as bringing home medals has been amazing and flight is my favourite type of archery. So much so that I include it in the list of things I deliver and share.
The county squad have been with me almost since the beginning – I hadn’t been shooting long when I received my first invitation to wear the county shirt. They have stood by me through every challenge, never judge me but always support me and in return I do what I can to support each and every one of them, always. They are my family.
So I guess the decision was easy even if I was going to miss something I love, this was about my people. The county struggle to field a squad for the Thorsby shoot every year so even injured and trying to regain form I was in.
As I sat on the line waiting for arrows to be collected I saw that there were 4 of us sat on the line, 3 out of the 5 counties had seated archers on their squad. This is hugely important for me as I am privileged to be allowed to help archers who need to make changes to stay shooting and also to introduce new people who have thought they have a disability that excludes them from sport. #sitting down does not mean sitting out. Ours is the most inclusive and adaptive sport I know.
The other noteworthy thing of this week was the completion of the NSPCC welfare officer training: time to talk delivered by UK Coaching. 3 hours very well spent and as always I do find multi sport environments incredibly rewarding as we share good practices.
Lots to do this week for work, for me and for Integr8Archery so I hope you all have a great week ❤️🏹
I had huge plans for the summer and it simply hasn’t quite worked out, I am picking everything back up and the effects of that should be seen in the next few weeks. Thank you for your patience, most of you know that Integr8Archery is just me, sometimes the size of it all is a little overwhelming but I love it all the same. A lot of the projects simmer down over the summer so logically it was always going to carry the risk that if I relaxed the issues I have personally would bubble up and they did.
Nothing serious – she says 😂😂 but combined have a large impact on my day to day.
My head space – having had to go back to counselling last year that was doing ok but we had plateaued and needed something new, unsure of what that should look like I took a step in to The Frank Bruno Foundation and the foundations for my next steps have been laid and a new phase to my journey has begun.
All of those joints, if you know me you know I describe my body as second hand and the first person crashed it 😂 few joints aren’t impacted.
When I started shooting in 2018 I was fairly sure I would have two years and set about cramming as much as possible into that. With the help of Ben, as it started to breakdown we have managed to keep it going and it does throw new things regularly and we tweak and move on. I am not going to lie, the tweaking gets harder but I have my bucket list for 2025 and I really want to shoot until the end of that year and tick those boxes!
There are no surprises – my lower back, my shoulder and my hand have really had a party in 2023!!! Scores are poor but the last few weeks Martin and I have started to make some changes that seem to be the start of making it all better, I have no doubt more tweaks will be needed and I am grateful to have someone who will help me.
My hands? Grip has been a problem for many years – often drop things, glasses enter our house at great risk 😬 This year has seen the issues increase significantly and it’s not uncommon to see me dropping things 🤷♀️ this week a couple of new things have happened and it will be a trip to the doctor Wednesday – maybe there are clues because what has always been invisible now has a very visible indicator!
My blood, it was struggling and certainly into the beginning of summer was hard to manage, it’s not amazing but I have worked hard and it’s stabilised at fair to good 🤞🏻 so if I build on this then hopefully it can only get better, the next set of blood tests will confirm or deny if I have achieved what I think I have.
Just for a little added extra the tree bite has kicked off this summer, maybe with everything else I have just been walking differently and so antagonised it, who knows but it’s always interesting to suddenly have reduced sensation in my foot!
Anyhow, the point is I needed to focus on this stuff, the work isn’t done, it’s never going to be, but I can get my head down and crack on with all things archery, so expect it all to pick up in the next week or so. Helped also by my day job sitting down and helping me find a way to stay in a job I love but saw me loose me for a while whilst I gave everything to them and my family and left nothing in the tank for me – fantastic as I do love working in that crazy house 🙃
Thank you especially to Clair, Ben, Pip, Dan, Will, Martin, AOR and of course Jack and Rose ❤️🏹
Today I am off to shoot some arrows and eat burgers at AOR before heading up to Derbyshire to spend time with mum and shoot for the county tomorrow. The love the county squad show me is never taken for granted 🤗
To my flight family, I shall really miss you tomorrow and I am sad that I have missed out on my flight season this year. Love you all and I have already set about planning to see you all next year 🥰🏹
Have a great weekend and never underestimate what you all give me, on the tough days you keep me going thank you 😊
If we go back to July (it seems so long ago!) you may recall me writing about dragging success out of the jaws of defeat during my first visit to the Frank Bruno Foundation. Today I attended the presentation for those of us who have most recently completed a programme delivered by the foundation. I took part in the first blue light card programme funded by the blue light card foundation, and I am very grateful to the foundation for providing the opportunity.
Part of the success is that as most of us work shifts we are welcome to attend what we can of the 8 weeks because it’s incredibly unlikely that we will be able to get a rota that will enable us to attend all of the sessions. I managed several and they have included laughter, tears, a week were I banged my head and still carry the bruising 🫣 we know I am clumsy! And the week where I went straight from a night shift with no breakfast and did myself no favours!
I have gained so much in those few short weeks not least the ability to admit to people that I have PTSD and it does of course bring issues with it. Previously something only a very tiny circle of people knew about and I would brush over with I have struggles with mental health and move the conversation on.
Maybe the timing was right, the happenings of the last 2 years and the loss of dad, with support I find myself in a place where I understand that I deserve the same care as those I care for and those I give my time to help and support. 8 years of therapy haven’t gotten me there, I add here that I don’t dismiss my amazing counsellor because what she has achieved means I am still here at all.
I definitely need to work on what looking after me means because having never done it I don’t really know how.
So the presentation does not mark the end but the beginning, the beginning of how I learn to put me first, this will include continuing to attend The Frank Bruno Foundation and today as I enquired about what I thought that would look like, the very lovely Tracey made an alternative suggestion and so next week I will start my next step.
It will definitely include dropping in when I can to see the people who welcomed me on that first Friday morning, who have no expectations from me and don’t care if I am grumpy, happy, there for me or them, because as we check in on each other and chat, my mood always lifts and I will at some point start to laugh. Priceless.
So, my advice would be, if you have the chance, go along, drop in and see what you can find for you.
What else have I done this week, meetings including the latest catch up with the Children’s Coaching Collaborative, another great session around the importance of listening to the voice of the child, including considering how article 12 of the UN Convention and The Rights of the Child, something I have worked with for a long time, but looking at with a different twist for sport and the coaching experience.
This will see me attend a workshop run by UNICEF UK hosted by the Play Their Way movement on the rights of the child.
I often think back to January 2022 when I was giving a friend a lift, and I was asked why do you do all this, why volunteer so many of your hours to do the things that you do, what do you get out of it. That person is paid for everything that they do in sport, it’s a business and my choice to give my time for free clashed with their own view.
I personally think there’s a place for both and I don’t question those who do it for payment, giving my time for free with Integr8Archery and everything else that I do, and all of the years of volunteering before is exhausting and it certainly would be easier if I didn’t have to do a paid job to allow me to do it for free. First years stats show I averaged 26 hours a week – that’s a lot but I love it!
There’s variety in what I do, introducing new people to our sport, enabling self sustainability of groups by providing mentoring, supporting existing archers who are struggling, some have been bullied with in the sport, some are facing changes if they want to remain but have worries and anxiety, some have put down a bow because of some of these mentioned issues but would like support to return.
There are days that it’s tough, really hard work, the balance from a day job that is shifts, can be intense and requires all of me when on shift. Coming home exhausted, finding time to shoot my bow, dealing with my own health issues, making a brew and cracking on with meetings, emails, calls to arrange shooting for others, in whatever way possible.
But I love it, the hard thing is doing it alone, some days wanting to sit and share, good days, bad days, those who have worked with me know that some days I literally bounce as the ideas flow and I see things coming together – sharing that is great but I don’t get much opportunity to do that now.
There are those who find it irritating that I do all of this! Why it bothers anyone I do not know, there’s plenty to be done, crack on with your own thing and I wish you the very best of luck with it! Genuinely because the more of us out there doing anything for our sport means there are more people shooting and getting something from it. It gives so many things to so many people, we should be celebrating what we are all achieving.
Which brings me to what do I get out of this? The messages and updates, how things are going, what achievements have been made, and success is measured in so many ways.
The last couple of weeks have been this for someone I haven’t known long but who let me in, wanting to return to archery but things have changed and they had concerns about returning. The photo at the top of this blog is the very amazing Niamh returning to the range, the one at the bottom – one of several sent to me yesterday from the flight competition she attended.
It is a privilege to be part of anyone’s journey and some chat with me and take ideas and go off to do the things we have chatted about, some contact me some time later and update me, some stay with me, share often, message me to discuss worries along the way, some when they are on ranges struggling and thinking they need to quit.
I was once told that I was carried in someone’s pocket, their greatest cheerleader, their greatest believer, the person who never questions anyone’s right to be on the shooting line. This is a great privilege – to be allowed to support a person when they feel they’re most vulnerable. Thank you to everyone who lets me in, lets me stay and shares their successes and achievements no matter if it’s a small step or a huge leap.
So the answer to that question, why do I do what I do, give all of my time for free? Why wouldn’t I, why wouldn’t I do what I can to give anyone the peace they find on a range?
Sorry this Saturday blog is two days late, Saturday I should have been home at 22:00 but it was nearer 1:00 Sunday and as result I didn’t get to go to my beloved flight shoot, which means this year I will not get a flight season. I took Sunday to look after me, I needed that. Sometimes we need to look after ourselves to allow us to give to others and those that know me, know it’s rare I do that.
Thank you, as always for reading what I write. For allowing me to share some of what is happening with Integr8Archery CIC.
This week has been somewhat crazy, decisions around many things, day job, Integr8Archery, my archery, health and a bunch of other stuff.
meetings, webinars and shifts at work in between and blessed that my amazing girl has walked and walked with me whilst I mull over all these things. She’s awesome and I am blessed to have her for a sounding board and to offer me her thoughts.
hopefully the right decisions have been made so far, though only time will tell and I still have some more to make so 🤞🏻
exciting things to come for sure and a great catch up with the over seas team who had news to share on how my input has helped them so early in our collaboration, united through our sport and shared aims despite being separated by a huge ocean.
Thank you to the people who have spent time this week updating me on how they are getting on, I am especially excited to see the two range returners, each having stepped away from archery for different reasons but with support have both picked up a bow to return 🥳
My history has made trust hard for many, many years.
I do not ask for help, ever, anything that makes me vulnerable simply isn’t going to be asked for. Just one of the very many things that keeps my therapist busy even after all these years!
Sport creates a quandary, you need someone to teach you, then you need someone to help you improve or deal with issues that arise, someone with the knowledge that you don’t have.
How do you find that person, where do you find them? Word of my mouth, internet search engines, sports governing bodies ……….?
You found one, how do you judge them? Know when things are right or wrong? For it to work you have to trust them, but if you trust them and then you aren’t sure about something but they explain or justify it, well they are the expert right? When do you ask someone else’s thoughts, whose opinion is the right one?
Different coaches have different ideas, different methods – right? With a little niggle, a little doubt, maybe it fades, may be it grows, and on you go. Until next time, the next thing and so the circle begins. How do you know when to ask or who to ask?
That was my merry go round, and it went on for 2 years, I tried to ask the coach, that never went well! So then I became reluctant to question anything, so I decided the better idea would be an email, a coach may be a friend but it’s also a working relationship and emails are absolutely appropriate in that setting.
Well that got me an early morning (5:30) angry, incredibly angry phone call. Screaming! How dare I speak to the coach in that way! Well I have that email, I have read it many times, it’s polite, respectful and carefully worded, my coach had had me in tears on the range on more than one occasion, some times in front of others, trust me I was careful because I was very much aware of the rage that could be triggered.
Apparently their coaching and authority had never been questioned or disrespected in such a way.
My quietly spoken question of if that was because no one else had experienced the same or had they simply not felt able to ask was met with more rage.
The response to all of this was not what I had hoped, not a sit down let’s look at how to answer those questions and make it safe for me to ask more questions about what and why we were doing things, but a slow destructive pattern that the following summer ended with me being told I have no place in this sport in any role, as an archer, a volunteer as someone who champions what this sport has to offer and what it can give.
The most destructive of endings I think to a coach/athlete relationship.
So I have fought to stay, on the line and in every other role that I value in my sport. Carved out where I am safe and who I am safe with. That trust that I barely had when I let that coach in, shattered.
To stay shooting with everything my body faces I need help, my physio – who never left, and someone who can offer the coaching but knowing I have a serious issue letting anyone have that access.
I am blessed to know many coaches, numerous sports and levels in my friendship circle. 2 who I can tentatively ask questions and who know what daring to reach out costs me, who are patient and gentle and supportive. They also respect each other, actually something else that I have learned isn’t as common as it should be either, another massive issue within coaching.
This year I have dared to let my friend, my county captain and safeguarding officer in a little, he coached me previously and he gets it. Occasional sessions where I ask questions and there may be tweaking but we shoot together, kind of coaching but without the label.
Whilst everything fell apart in Dunster I reached out to him and my physio to ask me to save my shooting with me.
Today we did that, tweaked and looked at options and sent me out into the world with work to do knowing I will ask my next question when I am ready.
I have become aware that the other coach has stepped further into my world and to stay safe I may need to shrink my world a little more, may loose one of my most important safe spaces. We are looking at ways around that.
My point? Don’t be afraid to ask questions, be brave enough to trust on your terms, there will be someone out there who will accept those terms and work with you.
If you don’t feel safe tell someone, anyone, and keep telling them until someone listens. I promise some of us do. One day we will all be safe ❤️🏹
