My memory feed shows that it was a year ago that I explained things needed to be fluid for a while as I needed to put family first. I was going to be spending frequent time with my dad and family as we prepared to loose him. I didn’t have a time frame but I would warn you when I would be unavailable and keep you informed so you knew when I would be slower at answering. You were all amazing and that has continued ever since. I have long term family commitments and I keep you informed – thank you for always paying attention.
To allow me to do everything I need to the day job allowed me to condense my every other weekend into 1 in every 4, this works fantastically for my family commitments but also has great benefits for me and the young people I work with. It means for 56 hours over 3 days I am pretty much not available for you all.
You have blown me away, you don’t make demands, the messages I get over those weekends are checking on me or letting me know about your achievements or silly photos from ranges – I don’t take it for granted that for the most part people know Integr8Archery CIC is me, no one else here to run it and you understand that the 25-30 hours a week I give are as a volunteer who has a demanding full time job, family commitments, my own archery and I do some occasional volunteering in other places.
So thank you, it’s not much but it’s all I can say. I am grateful for all of you and the support you give me.
The last few weeks have been tough, there’s so much going on for me that though recently tempted to explain in summary, I won’t at this time and thank you Ben for being my sounding board. Dealing with a significant safeguarding issue for over 3 years can be draining and hard at times not to scream publicly at the world but maybe we’ll get there eventually.
Issues at the club are close to resolved with repairs being completed so hopefully things will be back on track soon, I never understand what people gain from deliberately damaging or destroying things that belong to others and this is no different to any other example.
Event planning moving forward for lots of things in 2024 so I am going to be busy for a while 😜
Have a good week and see you soon, looking forward to shooting some arrows this weekend and happy to see some competitions starting to fill my indoor calendar ❤️🏹
In all areas of my life I think safeguarding is the most important aspect. From parenting, to residential youth worker and in sports. Some times this can be big things, often it’s little things. Some times it’s reacting to huge issues others it’s supporting wellbeing and welfare. Some times an ear and a coffee, sign posting or contacting other agencies.
It’s an area that I have been actively involved in since I started working in the public sector 30 years ago. I undertake the mandatory training and renewals but I also do other additional training, things that I believe can teach me to be better for those who need me in any of the areas of my life.
Those closest to me know the biggest piece of work here is something I have been doing for over 3 years, it’s massive and involves a lot of people, it grows almost constantly, people being pointed towards me to add context to what I have, years and years of experiences and issues told to me. Some just do that, they want nothing more than to feel someone has listened when previously they believed no one has. Others need ongoing support and the most important part of this is ensuring that there is the right professional help and I am then just part of their team of support. Mental health professionals are key but my ears are there to help. Not just those who come to me to explain their story but their families who often feel they should have seen something that they missed, and now feel guilt.
I can understand this as I carry it too, I missed what was happening to my child whilst I was busy supporting others.
There are days this is so incredibly draining and I am left emotionally and mentally exhausted and I am grateful to another safeguarding officer who sits and let’s me debrief with them, but also others who support me, they don’t need me to share details but they know I give and give to support these people, to be the person who hasn’t walked away.
Why might others have turned away? It’s hard, the massive issue needs so much work from so many people to change what’s happening. That level of energy and fight is hard to carry every day. I have considered walking away more than once, but I am struck with the fact that if I do, I am another person who has let these people down and who else will fight?
I have sought advice from the right places, agencies etc and I am at my next step, I don’t have many left and the last big step is one I hope I do not have to take because I hope that it can be dealt with without me taking that step.
Imagine as a safeguarding officer declaring yourself as vulnerable, on 3 separate occasions in 18 months, and not receiving the support or care for your well-being but yet I am expected to reassure those who have come to me that the support is there to be found?
I have repeatedly advised that my PTSD, anxiety and my ability to seriously overthink any situation means that we have to try, where we can, to manage the available opportunities for me to reach out when information is dumped on me.
Yesterday was another example of how the repeated lack of attention to this can impact me on a massive scale. A situation I am not aware of seeing a letter emailed to me at the end of business on a Friday. I opened it with no idea of what I would find as I am waiting on contact from that very team regarding my latest communication on this massive issue I am dealing with. Yet when I opened it, it hit me like a brick wall, because it was something new that sent me spinning, that required a response, but that saw me have no ability to reach out with my questions.
I sent my response, I had to, in an attempt to stop that spiralling that I have repeatedly asked for support to prevent. Had I been able to reach out and ask a couple of questions I could have dealt with it smoothly and calmly, but that was denied me. So now I wait, with just the serious overthinking to keep me company for however long this will take.
Thank you to those who have stepped in and supported me in the last 20 hours, never do I take you for granted, but I am certainly stronger because I have you here. It’s also shown me that whilst I am vulnerable I am, most definitely, stronger than October 21-October 22.
Sorry it’s late, I started work at 14:30 Monday and finished at 15:30 Tuesday, nothing unusual there but then I headed straight north to pick up mum and come home ready to take her to the airport Wednesday morning. We ended up spending most of Wednesday sat on the m25! But all worth it as I have had the news that mum has arrived safely in Australia to visit with my sister.
My question today is do you look after yourself as well as you look after your archery kit? I know I don’t and I suspect few people actually do. We appreciate that out kit needs care to ensure it performs to it’s fullest potential yet seem to expect ourselves to just get on, we ignore symptoms of physical illness and mental health issues, so I just wanted to ask you all to take a look at yourself and be truthful do you need to do something to get yourself in the best shape? If you do please take the time.
I think of dad daily but this last week or so he’s been especially in my mind as I think of how a year ago we were all preparing to gather and spend as much time as we could together as we knew it was going to be limited in time before we had to say goodbye, he knew he wasn’t well, he kept going back, he repeatedly stated he believed it was cancer (not an unusual worry with our family history), but the answers they gave were not unreasonable. However it took months to get the correct diagnosis and when he did it was too late. He tried to be here as long as he could but we only had 6 and a half months following his diagnosis.
We don’t hold grudges or blame anyone, but we do desperately want everyone to think about if they are well and do they need to check. I have mentioned it before and every now and then will remind you, if you aren’t well – you need to be. Dad’s story was published by the hospice and I shall share it again.
He loved to chat and hear how things were going with my “little business” and was always proud of the time I give to others, he is one of the reasons you get my blog updates, I can no longer share with him but I can continue to share with everyone else.
Look after yourself the same as you look after your kit! And for those who don’t look after their kit – sort that too 😜
What has happened this last week, planning mostly, a couple of webinars and some meetings. Exciting new collaborations on the horizon and some new groups looking to start work with me. Three coaches who have approached me to ask to do some work where I might need them and some volunteers who have asked if they can give time to Integr8Archery. Excellent 👌
Lots of planning bubbling away for existing and new groups and I love sitting with people who don’t realise how adaptive our sport is and how easy it is to make it work in so many ways.
School groups are nicely back and settled and I am hearing lots of positive things so that’s all great stuff.
At the age of 13 my English teacher handed me a copy of I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou and I became absorbed in the book and the conversations and discussions we would have about what I was reading. I recall being amazed that whilst my teacher gave me this and we delved deep into it, at the time it was released many schools set out to ban it from their shelves. I thank my teacher for sharing the book and I have read all of her others and her poetry is one of several books that I often pick up to read when I have a window of time to loose myself and I have favourite quotes of hers that I scatter through things.
“If you’re always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be.” Maya Angelou
Today is also World Mental Health Day. I make no secret of my battles with mental health, I am grateful for the peace my sport can help me find, the calm, quiet time on the range is a blessing. Please do look after yourself you are important and if you need support ask for it. Mind is a great starting place and there are other organisations out there some I know better than others.
I have a rest day today and I have lots of things to do but I am going to take my coffee and my book and sit in nature for an hour, I deserve the time to breathe. Looking after yourself is not a luxury.
On Friday as I dashed about at the beginning of a long weekend of work with 56 hours on house I was made aware of .International Smile Day. Harvey Ball created the smiley face in 1963 but became concerned with the commercialisation of his symbol and created this day to remind us all that the smiley face knows no politics, no geography and no religion. Harvey’s idea was that for at least one day each year, neither should we. He declared that the first Friday in October each year would henceforth be World Smile Day® and the first was held in 1999. The idea is that a small act of kindness can make someone smile. If you know me you know that this is something I truly believe and try to achieve daily.
As many of you know October is breast cancer awareness month and wear it pink will be on 20th October. I am grateful for the care I received from the unit at Kettering General Hospital several years ago. Please take the time to check your health and remember men can and do also suffer from this.
The other subject I feel it’s important to highlight and you are aware I do is October is also used to highlight Domestic Violence an area that I have worked in for many many years and I enjoy the time I have been allowed to use Integr8Archery to show how sport can help with mental health, confidence and to allow new friendships to be formed in a safe and supportive environment by working with some amazing people in refuge.
The last few weeks there have been a number of enquiries and some of those who support me, or who do work with me have also had questions asked by people about Integr8Archery both the Community Interest Company and the archery club. So I thought as we are at the next quarter and I have been doing updates at intervals then it seems timing is good to answer at least some of those questions.
Along with that pre Integr8Archery rollouts were planned from 19th June 2022 to 4th October 2023 – today! Perfect timing then.
I had worked on my projects, then grew them as an ambassador for AGB, then collaborated with Aim4sport, working on their projects, mine and creating some together, in some cases threading them together. Information was out there about some of what was going to be launched after the closure of the shop and training centre. I have explained that I have little to no knowledge to answer questions outside of my work with Integr8Archery though I have tried to help where I can.
So where are things at that I know of?
Archery In Education –
This project currently sits at 18 secondary schools and 5 primary schools in Northamptonshire. Along with 2 schools in Norfolk, 1 in Lincoln, 3 in Yorkshire, 2 in Kent, 3 in the south and I am supporting coaches in a variety of areas who work in a total of 11 other educational settings. There are 5 settings I have drawn a line under who were part of my project but I cannot/will not work with the coaches in those settings.
Disability and Health
I thoroughly enjoy spending time with the DISC group hosted by Northamptonshire Carers and have a great time. The group being set up for existing archers with disabilities had some delays but is getting back on track and will be getting together soon. I have had a great time over the summer being invited to a number of groups who support people with disabilities showing just how adaptive archery is and I am excited about plans for some long term work on access around the areas of learning disabilities, wheelchair and mobility issues, physical disabilities and also visually impaired individuals.
Incusive and supportive
Integr8Archery has hosted another 3 groups of ladies who have found themselves in refuge and making amazing progress on changing their lives and regaining control and confidence. As with any individual or group I try to pair projects with the right coaches, we don’t all have the same strengths and that’s what make us great together. This is definitely a group that selection of coaches is key and I thank those who have been involved. It’s been an amazing experience to be allowed to work with these ladies.
I have worked with several groups around accessibility and inclusion of those with different cultural backgrounds and I am excited to see a couple of these grow into amazing ideas for sustainability.
I continue to work with 3 support groups for LQBTQIA+ young people. The idea I had developed around inclusive competition that became entwined with a bigger idea and I took to a working party and the NGB is something that I stepped away from after being attacked via social media that the idea I had joined with didn’t belong exclusively to the person who shared it with me. So I went back to my original smaller idea and we have had a few small local competitions based on inclusion and I have also worked with 3 senior archers looking at competitions and supporting them in their respective journeys.
There have been another 2 groups of foster children who have taken part in a number of sessions and have had a great time and I am currently working with a couple of different agencies and creating opportunities for children in care to be involved with our sport.
Safeguarding
My most important role I think, those that know me well know this. I constantly work to improve my learning and knowledge in an area that has impacted my paid employment for 30 years and my years of volunteering. Safeguarding is something I have done for years in my sport and I see well-being an important part of this role too.
A large portion of my time here is taken up with something that sees me having been dealing with 14 years worth of information from 42 archers and coaches and sees me continuing to support 9 people and their families on an ongoing basis but also new people come to me at intervals. Some days this fight can be overwhelming but though I have occasionally considered walking away from it, I can’t, changes need to be made so on we fight. I do need to thank Mario, Lynn, Ted and Martin though because I couldn’t fight if I didn’t have a support network for my own wellbeing.
A network in safeguarding is especially important and supporting other officers has always been an important part of what I do.
Charity and franchise
Having spent over two years working hard on contracts and legislation and seeing it all fall into place was amazing, we had it sorted. Creating the charity was something to be hugely proud of and I had a number of people who were ready to invest and donate when we were to launch in June 2022. Linking these two things with the education project was a fantastic project and had amazing potential so pulling it apart was upsetting. Keeping my education project and growing it has made me proud. Being allowed to help look at where those donations could go instead was a privilege and combined it was a huge amount of money, though some offered it to me for Integr8Archery I refused all offers out of this pot as it simply wouldn’t have sat well with me to take it. I do thank those who have sent me updates on the impact that money has had, it’s great to see young people enjoying opportunities that have been given.
That positive energy and news has helped balance the ultimate decision I had to make to pass on some of the abuse I received to the police and that 2 of those people had charges made against them. What was to be an amazing project certainly beat me emotionally and mentally in the end. The decision to pull the education project out of it was the only thing I could do, the other elements were not mine to push forward without the collaboration.
America
The app and the coaching elements that I had worked on here were not mine to continue. However I was blown away to be asked to continue to consult with what had been my elements and I do enjoy the process of developing the community sports projects across the Atlantic, even if that means I am usually shattered and ready for bed when they are excited 😆 again it’s great to get updates and even a couple of little videos from some of the children who have been involved in the three cities involved. It’s not the right time at the moment for me to go over but it’s lovely to have the open invitation to visit when I am ready. I have however had a couple of visits to Camden to chat with my friend who’s business opened those doors when I contacted him and been rewarded with a couple of my favourite sandwiches as thanks for what I am doing – I’ll take that as reward for giving my time.
Volunteering
The very many hours that I give to Integr8Archery all given as a volunteer. I also love giving my time to the other sports that I join occasionally, especially within the running community who are always a great crowd. I love the time I spend with the competitions team at Archery GB for national and international competitions and have been a little disappointed this year with how few I have managed to attend, Grand Prix, JNOC and I will be at the indoors in December but I think the changes we have agreed at work will help me balance paid employment, family commitments following the loss of dad and my own archery and let me attend more AGB volunteering next year.
I have also submitted an application to volunteer in something entirely different, I will keep you updated if this happens and I think it may surprise you to hear what it is!
Employment and my own learning
I love my job, 6 months in I can say it’s fantastic and gives me a level of satisfaction and motivation that I haven’t properly had in paid work for many years. Exhausting, mentally and emotionally draining at times, of course, but I really do feel it’s the right job for me. I don’t complain about my work, I may complain about frustrations that all of us who do the work have, it that’s very different. I am about to embark on a level 3 diploma for that job, along with restarting some courses I had paused due to my mental health and devoting time to dad so the next 12 months will be busy.
Collaborating?
I spend a lot of time in webinars, meetings, conferences with a number of groups, organisations and agencies looking at lots of areas that impact sports and how we can all work together towards common goals.
I am also enjoying working together with other Community Interest Companies and charities to bring access to sport to such a variety of groups and individuals – it’s a privilege to be part of these.
CIC and Club
Simply, we will continue to enable people to try our sport, access it in whatever way they wish, stay in it if the feel change may prevent this. When the recent kit damage is repaired our little club will pick up and carry on with its plans too. If you wish to belong to our supportive community please contact us. You don’t have to leave your club to be part of us, everyone is welcome and it’s lovely to get updates on how everyone is doing.
I am sat here feeling like I have forgotten something 🫣 no doubt someone will point it out to me 😂
So whilst I wait for that I just want to say thank you to everyone who has supported me in any way or who has trusted me to help them. Never do I take any of this for granted and you, the people are always the priority 🥰🏹
Week 65 meant a year and 3 months and I had so many things I wanted to say and I wanted to share with someone I couldn’t. 10 months now without my weekly chat with dad about Integr8Archery, plans, hopes, updates etc. He was always awesome in listening and talking and enjoying updates.
Sunday was awesome for seeing my shirts on the shooting line, and county championship medals worn with them ❤️🏹
Also a great time to catch up with friends, some archers, some coaches, some friends made through the sport, lots and lots of hugs. As a child I was taught the importance and power of a hug and many people know I scatter them around. Lots of supportive hugs that are a celebration of what we have achieved in various battles and also of acknowledging the battles still to come.
People have asked again what the purpose is of Integr8Archery CIC, it is to help bring our amazing sport to people yet to try it, to support those in it who want to stay but are struggling in various ways, to ensure and promote the inclusion, diversity and equality whilst showing how incredibly adaptive it is, enabling access for everyone. This is why the club was set up, a separate entity but enabling a safe environment for those who need it. For some this is a temporary step, for others a supportive community to be a part of, shirts, hats – ways of identifying others who share that same understanding of giving and using the supportive community.
I am proud of everything that I achieved from starting my volunteer journey in this sport but especially so of what I have achieved since creating Integr8Archery.
So today that’s my message, thank you to the many people, some who I have named before and some often but especially the huge hugs on Sunday from Anita and Lisa and the coffee reload from Lisa was especially great 😊
Tomorrow there will be another blog drop, three in three days, yesterday’s was my update, today is my thank you for the community we have created under the brand I made and tomorrow a project update, to update what is happening, give some tastes of things to come but also to answer some of the questions I am being asked, particularly around the releases I made in spring 2022.
All 3 important updates and I think each deserving of separate attention.
In March I sat down and set my goals for the outdoor season.
Taking into account that 2018, 2019, 2020 I got a second class, 2021 finally my first and after an awful, torrid 2022 ground out another first. Knowing that where I had been in 2021 was gone for me, but the terror of 2022 was being dealt with and that mentally I had safe spaces I set those goals and looked forward to the summer.
One that would see me enjoy the whole week at Dunster and volunteer for AGB along with starting a new, amazing job.
Knowing that I hadn’t barely had an indoor season as I devoted my time to family and particularly dad’s last weeks but had, in those few occasions I had picked up my bow achieved a C class – my best ever indoor classification. I signed up to AGB’s #great arrow count and set off to see what summer would bring.
Well initially I achieved 4 personal bests in different rounds and 2 x bowman 3rd class scores – decent start I felt.
Then my shoulder started to grumble and over the next few weeks that grumbling got louder. The issue with my hands but especially my right hand, that I had been having for 6/7 years and had been gradually deteriorating suddenly, rapidly becoming a huge issue. So my shooting fell apart, no matter as I set about asking questions and looking for answers whilst carrying on, scores didn’t matter at all, smiling with a bow in my hand certainly did! Then of course we have those vocal folks who believe their opinion matters! That my scores are so appalling I have no right to be on the shooting line! Well huge raspberries to you and your opinions because your knowledge of me is zilch so you don’t have an opinion that I need!
So the great arrow count is done – 26 weeks and I have shot 15,669 arrows. Not as many as I planned. But 60% of my aim back in March. A combination of 19 scored rounds or competitions in target archery, approximately 2/3 of what I had intended. None of the 3 flight completions I had intended to attend. A combination of the new job, shifts, health and family commitments and the responsibilities I now have with dad gone impacting these aims.
Plans made with work and family to help me resolve the time issues and of course huge plans to work my backside off over indoors with bow, new release aid and pretty much a new way of shooting for me to continue to be on the shooting line and get ready for outdoors 2024.
Desperately disappointed in my classification but also happy to still be shooting at all. There has been a constant theme since I signed up to my beginners course in 2018 that I should not bother and I should quit. Thankfully I am possibly one of the most stubborn and bloody minded folks or I would certainly have quit on many occasions!
So I have one more outdoor competition in a few weeks and then indoors it will be to learn my new way forward! Planning ahead for what the possible surgeries might mean and two further steps in case the issues with my hand/arm/elbow deteriorate further and further again. Like me the county captain is a planner! 🙃
I thoroughly enjoyed this weekend – scored round stood up on Saturday and shooting the county champs Sunday morning followed by agenting Sunday afternoon, all done with amazing company 🥰
Thank you as ever to those who support me in continuing to hold my bow – forever grateful 🤗
Blown away by the words of friendship from three different people in 3 different places this weekend – always strange to hear positive thoughts about me and how I am perceived by people who have opinions I value and they had made those thoughts public!
A photo sent to me Sunday evening that, for me, truly showed me how far I have come from 16th May 2022 – wow 🤩
Lots coming this weekend and I will explain as we go through the week, for now, I am off to bed 😴🫣
This week I had to choose between national flight championships and an invitation to shoot for the county.
Having shot flight nationals in 2021 and 2022 and making great friends there as well as bringing home medals has been amazing and flight is my favourite type of archery. So much so that I include it in the list of things I deliver and share.
The county squad have been with me almost since the beginning – I hadn’t been shooting long when I received my first invitation to wear the county shirt. They have stood by me through every challenge, never judge me but always support me and in return I do what I can to support each and every one of them, always. They are my family.
So I guess the decision was easy even if I was going to miss something I love, this was about my people. The county struggle to field a squad for the Thorsby shoot every year so even injured and trying to regain form I was in.
As I sat on the line waiting for arrows to be collected I saw that there were 4 of us sat on the line, 3 out of the 5 counties had seated archers on their squad. This is hugely important for me as I am privileged to be allowed to help archers who need to make changes to stay shooting and also to introduce new people who have thought they have a disability that excludes them from sport. #sitting down does not mean sitting out. Ours is the most inclusive and adaptive sport I know.
The other noteworthy thing of this week was the completion of the NSPCC welfare officer training: time to talk delivered by UK Coaching. 3 hours very well spent and as always I do find multi sport environments incredibly rewarding as we share good practices.
Lots to do this week for work, for me and for Integr8Archery so I hope you all have a great week ❤️🏹
I had huge plans for the summer and it simply hasn’t quite worked out, I am picking everything back up and the effects of that should be seen in the next few weeks. Thank you for your patience, most of you know that Integr8Archery is just me, sometimes the size of it all is a little overwhelming but I love it all the same. A lot of the projects simmer down over the summer so logically it was always going to carry the risk that if I relaxed the issues I have personally would bubble up and they did.
Nothing serious – she says 😂😂 but combined have a large impact on my day to day.
My head space – having had to go back to counselling last year that was doing ok but we had plateaued and needed something new, unsure of what that should look like I took a step in to The Frank Bruno Foundation and the foundations for my next steps have been laid and a new phase to my journey has begun.
All of those joints, if you know me you know I describe my body as second hand and the first person crashed it 😂 few joints aren’t impacted.
When I started shooting in 2018 I was fairly sure I would have two years and set about cramming as much as possible into that. With the help of Ben, as it started to breakdown we have managed to keep it going and it does throw new things regularly and we tweak and move on. I am not going to lie, the tweaking gets harder but I have my bucket list for 2025 and I really want to shoot until the end of that year and tick those boxes!
There are no surprises – my lower back, my shoulder and my hand have really had a party in 2023!!! Scores are poor but the last few weeks Martin and I have started to make some changes that seem to be the start of making it all better, I have no doubt more tweaks will be needed and I am grateful to have someone who will help me.
My hands? Grip has been a problem for many years – often drop things, glasses enter our house at great risk 😬 This year has seen the issues increase significantly and it’s not uncommon to see me dropping things 🤷♀️ this week a couple of new things have happened and it will be a trip to the doctor Wednesday – maybe there are clues because what has always been invisible now has a very visible indicator!
My blood, it was struggling and certainly into the beginning of summer was hard to manage, it’s not amazing but I have worked hard and it’s stabilised at fair to good 🤞🏻 so if I build on this then hopefully it can only get better, the next set of blood tests will confirm or deny if I have achieved what I think I have.
Just for a little added extra the tree bite has kicked off this summer, maybe with everything else I have just been walking differently and so antagonised it, who knows but it’s always interesting to suddenly have reduced sensation in my foot!
Anyhow, the point is I needed to focus on this stuff, the work isn’t done, it’s never going to be, but I can get my head down and crack on with all things archery, so expect it all to pick up in the next week or so. Helped also by my day job sitting down and helping me find a way to stay in a job I love but saw me loose me for a while whilst I gave everything to them and my family and left nothing in the tank for me – fantastic as I do love working in that crazy house 🙃
Thank you especially to Clair, Ben, Pip, Dan, Will, Martin, AOR and of course Jack and Rose ❤️🏹
Today I am off to shoot some arrows and eat burgers at AOR before heading up to Derbyshire to spend time with mum and shoot for the county tomorrow. The love the county squad show me is never taken for granted 🤗
To my flight family, I shall really miss you tomorrow and I am sad that I have missed out on my flight season this year. Love you all and I have already set about planning to see you all next year 🥰🏹
Have a great weekend and never underestimate what you all give me, on the tough days you keep me going thank you 😊
If we go back to July (it seems so long ago!) you may recall me writing about dragging success out of the jaws of defeat during my first visit to the Frank Bruno Foundation. Today I attended the presentation for those of us who have most recently completed a programme delivered by the foundation. I took part in the first blue light card programme funded by the blue light card foundation, and I am very grateful to the foundation for providing the opportunity.
Part of the success is that as most of us work shifts we are welcome to attend what we can of the 8 weeks because it’s incredibly unlikely that we will be able to get a rota that will enable us to attend all of the sessions. I managed several and they have included laughter, tears, a week were I banged my head and still carry the bruising 🫣 we know I am clumsy! And the week where I went straight from a night shift with no breakfast and did myself no favours!
I have gained so much in those few short weeks not least the ability to admit to people that I have PTSD and it does of course bring issues with it. Previously something only a very tiny circle of people knew about and I would brush over with I have struggles with mental health and move the conversation on.
Maybe the timing was right, the happenings of the last 2 years and the loss of dad, with support I find myself in a place where I understand that I deserve the same care as those I care for and those I give my time to help and support. 8 years of therapy haven’t gotten me there, I add here that I don’t dismiss my amazing counsellor because what she has achieved means I am still here at all.
I definitely need to work on what looking after me means because having never done it I don’t really know how.
So the presentation does not mark the end but the beginning, the beginning of how I learn to put me first, this will include continuing to attend The Frank Bruno Foundation and today as I enquired about what I thought that would look like, the very lovely Tracey made an alternative suggestion and so next week I will start my next step.
It will definitely include dropping in when I can to see the people who welcomed me on that first Friday morning, who have no expectations from me and don’t care if I am grumpy, happy, there for me or them, because as we check in on each other and chat, my mood always lifts and I will at some point start to laugh. Priceless.
So, my advice would be, if you have the chance, go along, drop in and see what you can find for you.
What else have I done this week, meetings including the latest catch up with the Children’s Coaching Collaborative, another great session around the importance of listening to the voice of the child, including considering how article 12 of the UN Convention and The Rights of the Child, something I have worked with for a long time, but looking at with a different twist for sport and the coaching experience.
This will see me attend a workshop run by UNICEF UK hosted by the Play Their Way movement on the rights of the child.
