Kind of feel like a nap would be amazing! But we know I don’t sleep well so in reality – unlikely 🫣
What a week it’s been, kind of getting used to the wrist brace, hate it and have yet to find time to pick up my bow and see how that all works together, dreading doing it for the first time but I have support so hopefully we will fathom a path quickly 🤞🏻
Safeguarding has been a huge part of this week – in both the day job and my sport, often hard work and an intense weekend saw me have to put everything else to one side for a couple of days, but there was nothing going to spoil and I did answer urgent enquiries.
Which brings me to several messages I have received over the weekend, 8 by this morning, from people who were at the Disability Championships this weekend. I was supposed to be volunteering but had to withdraw due to work commitments, I will be at the indoors in December and I am stabilising my calendar for next year. So I was surprised to find people think I have quit volunteering and closing down Integr8Archery CIC! Not a single idea where those ideas have come from, so very difficult to answer as I don’t know the root of it all.
Schools are back and it’s great to see some children return to archery and also new children try our sport, perfect.
New projects bubbling away and getting ready to start, exciting!
looking forward to the communing week, tomorrow a day with the Muslim Sports Foundation and lots of like minded people in the room working towards the same goals. Sunday I shall be at DISC, always lovely to spend time with them at their sessions. These are just a couple of the highlights.
For now? Coffee and emails to catch up on everything that’s going on.
Take care of yourselves and I look forward to catching up with you soon ❤️🏹
This week I had to choose between national flight championships and an invitation to shoot for the county.
Having shot flight nationals in 2021 and 2022 and making great friends there as well as bringing home medals has been amazing and flight is my favourite type of archery. So much so that I include it in the list of things I deliver and share.
The county squad have been with me almost since the beginning – I hadn’t been shooting long when I received my first invitation to wear the county shirt. They have stood by me through every challenge, never judge me but always support me and in return I do what I can to support each and every one of them, always. They are my family.
So I guess the decision was easy even if I was going to miss something I love, this was about my people. The county struggle to field a squad for the Thorsby shoot every year so even injured and trying to regain form I was in.
As I sat on the line waiting for arrows to be collected I saw that there were 4 of us sat on the line, 3 out of the 5 counties had seated archers on their squad. This is hugely important for me as I am privileged to be allowed to help archers who need to make changes to stay shooting and also to introduce new people who have thought they have a disability that excludes them from sport. #sitting down does not mean sitting out. Ours is the most inclusive and adaptive sport I know.
The other noteworthy thing of this week was the completion of the NSPCC welfare officer training: time to talk delivered by UK Coaching. 3 hours very well spent and as always I do find multi sport environments incredibly rewarding as we share good practices.
Lots to do this week for work, for me and for Integr8Archery so I hope you all have a great week ❤️🏹
If we go back to July (it seems so long ago!) you may recall me writing about dragging success out of the jaws of defeat during my first visit to the Frank Bruno Foundation. Today I attended the presentation for those of us who have most recently completed a programme delivered by the foundation. I took part in the first blue light card programme funded by the blue light card foundation, and I am very grateful to the foundation for providing the opportunity.
Part of the success is that as most of us work shifts we are welcome to attend what we can of the 8 weeks because it’s incredibly unlikely that we will be able to get a rota that will enable us to attend all of the sessions. I managed several and they have included laughter, tears, a week were I banged my head and still carry the bruising 🫣 we know I am clumsy! And the week where I went straight from a night shift with no breakfast and did myself no favours!
I have gained so much in those few short weeks not least the ability to admit to people that I have PTSD and it does of course bring issues with it. Previously something only a very tiny circle of people knew about and I would brush over with I have struggles with mental health and move the conversation on.
Maybe the timing was right, the happenings of the last 2 years and the loss of dad, with support I find myself in a place where I understand that I deserve the same care as those I care for and those I give my time to help and support. 8 years of therapy haven’t gotten me there, I add here that I don’t dismiss my amazing counsellor because what she has achieved means I am still here at all.
I definitely need to work on what looking after me means because having never done it I don’t really know how.
So the presentation does not mark the end but the beginning, the beginning of how I learn to put me first, this will include continuing to attend The Frank Bruno Foundation and today as I enquired about what I thought that would look like, the very lovely Tracey made an alternative suggestion and so next week I will start my next step.
It will definitely include dropping in when I can to see the people who welcomed me on that first Friday morning, who have no expectations from me and don’t care if I am grumpy, happy, there for me or them, because as we check in on each other and chat, my mood always lifts and I will at some point start to laugh. Priceless.
So, my advice would be, if you have the chance, go along, drop in and see what you can find for you.
What else have I done this week, meetings including the latest catch up with the Children’s Coaching Collaborative, another great session around the importance of listening to the voice of the child, including considering how article 12 of the UN Convention and The Rights of the Child, something I have worked with for a long time, but looking at with a different twist for sport and the coaching experience.
This will see me attend a workshop run by UNICEF UK hosted by the Play Their Way movement on the rights of the child.
This week has been somewhat crazy, decisions around many things, day job, Integr8Archery, my archery, health and a bunch of other stuff.
meetings, webinars and shifts at work in between and blessed that my amazing girl has walked and walked with me whilst I mull over all these things. She’s awesome and I am blessed to have her for a sounding board and to offer me her thoughts.
hopefully the right decisions have been made so far, though only time will tell and I still have some more to make so 🤞🏻
exciting things to come for sure and a great catch up with the over seas team who had news to share on how my input has helped them so early in our collaboration, united through our sport and shared aims despite being separated by a huge ocean.
Thank you to the people who have spent time this week updating me on how they are getting on, I am especially excited to see the two range returners, each having stepped away from archery for different reasons but with support have both picked up a bow to return 🥳
For me this has been a busy week, admin, meetings and planning. Not much to share at this point, reviewing projects and planning new things, trying to set dates for a number of things. Things to share in coming weeks but not a lot today in these stages. It interesting for someone to read but incredibly important for managing projects. Evolution is critical to the process, ongoing learning to achieve the best for everyone.
Super news from some of the archers that I support, goals being achieved, for some that involves medals, for some it’s successfully adapting and finding ways to stay in the sport, I am grateful they trust me and I very much enjoy when they share their success with me. Thank you to everyone who takes the time to do that, I am pleased for all of you. I am always here, I have said before I am like your greatest cheerleader, celebrating or giving out hugs when needed.
My archery? A hugely busy Saturday for me this week with my bow and some planning so let’s hope that brings something to the table to improve things for me. It’s easy to focus on what is going badly but as I looked at my notes I remembered the PB’s I set early in the outdoor season, let’s see what some physio and some help on the range can achieve.
Safeguarding has been keeping me busy and I wait to see what happens with some things there. It’s a massively important issue and we need to always keep it in mind.
Friday sees my last of the sessions at The Frank Bruno Foundation with the Blue Light Card, without a doubt I shall be staying to continue to work on me, so more planning on Friday to see what is their best plan for me going forward.
Right off to ping a few arrows before going to work, happy that the issues from yesterday and the web access have been resolved, sorry this week’s blog is a day late but very much out of my control.
Busy busy week. I am just about back on top of it all!
Exciting though because new projects and events being arranged on top of the preparation for September and schools returning. When I start to feel a little overwhelmed, stretch, refill the coffee and think about those bows in all of those new hands! Motivation to get back to the communications if ever there was.
Today is the anniversary of me receiving confirmation that Integr8Archery was granted CIC status and that I had wrapped everything up to protect it from anyone who may come forward in the future to try and take my projects for income.
Thank you for the messages checking that I am ok, I am, I take it one day at a time physically and mentally and I am improving but I do appreciate the time anyone takes to reach out and check.
Companies house paperwork completed and approved for the coming year so we can continue, great news, particularly with the work being offered and projects that are continuing.
My shooting? Well I am hoping things will have settled enough to allow me to pick up my bow on Wednesday 🤞🏻which will allow me to hopefully get back on plan.
I have also taken advantage of some great value time with my children, especially Rose who is always fantastic company. They both enjoy giving time to help with Integr8Archery and introducing them to our sport so it’s nice to pay them back doing other things they enjoy.
Off to work before coming home to finish off here.
I do not hide my battles with mental health, I don’t share everything with everybody either. It’s important to me that I don’t hide it, I have nothing to be ashamed of! By sharing, occasionally I am told it helps others too.
That said, sure I am stronger than I was last year but to be considered strong I still have a long way to go and I work at it daily. It doesn’t take much to make me wobble.
Last year was nearly my end, I survived, I didn’t hide, I know from past experiences that hiding gets easier and easier with every day that passes until months have passed and I haven’t left the house so this was important.
When you volunteer at big events you do a lot of hours, you are exhausted and the longer you are away from home – it all adds up and takes you to the edge. So last year I volunteered at the European Youth Championships – 10 days. This was just 3 months after the day that I survived so fragile, vulnerable – lots of words could be used to describe me.
On the Wednesday I was exhausted, shattered and being pushed from pillar to post by demands from 3 people, demands that clashed with each other and I found myself in a place I knew I shouldn’t be, doing something that I shouldn’t be, I had tried to avoid exactly that all morning but the people making the demands were not listening.
I found myself in a space distraught and wanting, needing to go home, trying to explain. At the same time knowing if I quit and left I would likely not make it half way home before being desperately upset and disappointed in myself and wishing I had stayed.
Stay I did, sorted myself out and got on with it! Not pretty and certainly in part caused by how immensely fragile I was.
Fast forward 48 weeks, I am stronger but not yet strong. Still recovering from what happened 16/5/22.
I know my journey, that took me from 1996 to 2021, the destruction from November 2021 to May 2022. The path to August 2022 and onto July 2023. Who I share what with? That’s up to me.
Imagine though, battling your own fight and having someone say, well it must have been a good day, Helen didn’t cry today! Certainly nothing like she did last August! For the next week, similar comments every day, well it’s better than last year when you broke down and cried and had to be taken off the field!
Now I don’t believe the person who said it meant harm. It’s bemusing to me as we have spent time on the range together since last August and it’s not been mentioned so why now and why so often? I replied several times, in ways that I believe should have ended the comments, but it didn’t stop. So I tried to ignore it. Thing is, now more people know about that day and in a way that only makes me look weak. Giving other ways to dig at me. In fact someone else who didn’t even know me last August and was nowhere near the range started to make comments in reference to it!
I have thought long and hard for the last 2 weeks, but it’s not ok. What happened happened, and it doesn’t matter why. If you saw me distressed last year and now I appear stronger why on earth would you use it to behave in such a way!
Be kind – always but also, be mindful because you know little to nothing of what another person has lived through – and now your behaviour has set me back, but also given another person something to use against me.
So this last week, I have had meetings, lots of them, in person and via the web, thank goodness for the internet and technology. Activity partnerships and community groups reviewing existing projects and planning next steps and what I can help achieve, some exciting things there.
Activity partnerships, new groups and new projects, announcements to come over the next few weeks.
3 archers deciding to leave or adapt to remain within the sport who have allowed me in to help with their decisions and to find them the correct support, hopeful that they can stay in our sport that they love.
Last night (or was that this morning) my first collaboration meeting with a project across three cities over the water. Massively scaled down from what the plans had been last year when I had been building work for someone else but the people involved still wanted what I had always going to give and though they have offered me something huge I have, at this time kept it small to allow me to step forward slowly. Exciting though that my work here over the last 5-6 years within local and wider communities sees me invited into a project that covers communities in the UK and the USA.
So as my meeting was at 2am here I am now off to bed as I have work tomorrow!
Take care of yourself and for me, this week sees the beginning of my flight season 🥳
It’s been a busy, busy week. Meetings in person and virtual, project related, new and reviews. Children’s coaching collaborative- always great for reminding me why I do what I do. Webinars and meetings booked for the coming weeks and two conferences, Birmingham and Manchester so some new networking and idea sharing.
Some great news from some people who have been keeping me in touch with their progress, always lovely to hear.
A possible venue if we can make their dates of availability work with the competition calendar for the flight competition I have been trying to arrange to bring flight further down the country whilst adding to the calendar for those of us who already shoot it.
Processing Dunster and looking at how to move forward to keep a bow in my hand, hopefully we can achieve that.
Spending some quality time with Rose as it’s the school holidays has been fantastic, she’s amazing company and has a wicked sense of humour.
Attended my first proper sessions at The Frank Bruno Foundation and enjoyed it whilst bringing home some ideas to help with the work that I am doing on my head space. Never be afraid to reach out for help, it’s scary but help is there.
Right off to refill my mug as I appear to have run out of coffee and crack on with all these emails that I have still to do.
Have a great weekend, if you are shooting the 3rd Caswell I may see you as I am hoping to pop over after my shift, be gentle with me I will have been at work for 25 hours 🙃🫣
Thank you to everyone who honoured my request to be allowed to have 10 days for me, I have never made such a request and most people allowed me that time.
Since getting home I have cleared the majority of messages across various platforms but don’t worry if I haven’t gotten to you yet it certainly doesn’t mean I have forgotten you.
I am now deep into arranging the new academic year for existing and new schools. Some projects coming to life that I started work on as much as 2 years ago, some with some adjustments and some with massive changes but exciting to see things finally coming together.
Some new projects bubbling, a couple with other local CIC’s as together we are stronger.
Some people who have asked me to be involved in helping them through changes to remain or return to archery, this is always a privilege.
My flight season kicks off soon and some more workshops being requested but also a possible plan for hosting a competition in the 2024 calendar if we can pin down details 🤞🏻
Of course – meetings, meetings, meetings and some webinars in the next few weeks and I think I have finally decided on my next steps to studying and I have certainly narrowed down my thoughts for my level 2 coaching – I love my sport and everything it gives me but one of the most important lessons I have learned is that ability to step outside and breathe in multisports gives me time to heal.
I hope to see many of you in the next few weeks on a range somewhere – or an airfield!
Take care of you, remember you are each important and some times you need to put yourself first 🤗
This week is a little strange for me, I never put me first and it’s been hard to resist answering emails and messages. I have answered a couple of urgent questions and I am monitoring them but will deal with them properly after I get home.
This week was and is important to me and my recovery and I am enjoying the experience – I would suggest that this is the closest to flight feel on a target range and I am loving it. I am posting an update every day and next Tuesday’s end of week blog will be a complete write up on Dunster and we are definitely coming back next year.
I have had some interesting conversations around seated and also both mental and physical health. Lots to consider and process and see how I can pull it all together as some absolutely fits in with work that I am doing already it has seen me planning and making notes around the things bouncing around in my head. Just because I have pressed paused doesn’t mean my mind has stopped.
Sitting still? Nope! Just ask poor Clair who had to follow me as I flitted freely around on Saturday as we explored places I love and new places. Or when she’s having to tolerate me dancing in the supermarket 😂😂
She has been with me in he darkest places she deserves to be with me on the good days too.
I hope that you are all doing well and I will catch up properly when I get home but I do carry you with me and think of you even whilst I am taking time for me 🥰❤️🏹
